My reflections and thoughts

Hey hey! just wanna share with you some of the experiences and reflections i have done.
Today i went out with leng shan and eloise after baptism service and stuff and we ate sakura international buffet for dinner and i was kinda starving!
The food was not too bad...i took alot of the seafood and stuff (like that then worth it mah).
I took mainly clams, mussels, oysters, salmon sushimi, prawns..etc.
I really enjoyed the food but it was kinda ex though.

Anws, during the buffet, there is a need for people to stand up and go and take the food.
So happily, i was left alone like twice while leng shan and elo went to take food together..they love to pang sei me..
So i just continued eating..
But for the second time they left for a longer time like 10 min..
So i dunno why i start to reflect about stuff..
I started to not enjoy the food that i am eating even though i am like eating baby octopus and sambal oysters which are kinda good stuff.
And i know the reason why. Its because i am eating alone.

If you think about it. If you were to be given alot of money and alot of good food to eat but you don't have any friends or relatives to share it with.
You'll go shopping alone, eat alone..etc.
For me, i think that even if the best of the best food is placed in front of me, i may feel very happy for awhile, but without people around to share it with you, the tastest food can also become very blend and without taste.
Don't you realise that food can taste real good when you got someone who is fighting for it with you? but when you got the whole thing to yourself it is not as nice anymore?

So actually the purpose of me saying this is because i wanna encourage anyone who read this to think about the people around you. The people that you are in good terms with, whom you go out with whom you have fun, laughter and joy with.
Not forgetting the people whom you do not like talking to and being with, be it your friends or your family members.
One may be quarrelling all day with the person but one day, when it is all gone and the person leaves you, you will realise that something is missing. Something that you once hated to have becomes something that you really want to have.
So, whether it is your loved ones or the unlovables, i believe they are all gifts from God.
Each of them play a special role in your life and there is a reason for them to be there be it your choice or not.
Learn to treasure.

Another thing that struck me today was, i was talking to someone about giving up on the people around me. Giving up on the people that i care, be it prayers or anything else.
Because i just felt very tired out.
I am someone with very little perserverence and loves to run away from everything and very result oriented too. Not in terms of studies but in the spiritual sense.
Be it friends or family, it is very difficult for me to be faithful in prayer for them every single day. Difficult for me to reach out to something which i am not able to see any results in.

Let me rephrase.
Er...it is like i try to spread the gospel, try to provide encouragement and to pray for God to move and touch their hearts that He may use me and give me the strength in bring people back to Christ.
Some people, from what i see are kinda hopeless.
They just shuts themselves up from God's word. Shuts themselves up from allowing God to touch their hearts. Their hearts are hardened like rocks.
Not interested in everything that God has to tell them...not literally, but through friends or sermons if they were to go to church.
And my normal reaction is just to run away and not get involved with people whom i deemed are "hopeless" and cannot be saved because they don't care or don't wanna care.
The more i get involved, the more i get hurt and angered.

Alot of people seek God through the things of this world, one of my friend told me.
Some examples are like people having several boy and girlfriends, go drinking, clubbing, having sex and many others is because they wanna search for something more in life. Be it love, fun, enjoyment, contentment, a sense of belongingness and security. Whatever that can satisfy their heart they will go and do it.
Come to think of it, actually all these things that people are searching and looking for can actually be found in God and it is what God is and what God can give.
These things fill up the void in people's lives as people strive to find meaning and something to do in this meaningless world. They try to find it in the world be it people or doing stuff.
This is because we are made with a yearing to seek and find God and many of us try to find it in people.

Some people just wanna run away from this void that they end up hurting themselves. Doing things that they should not have done or are meaningless to do so.
They do these things to waste or to pass time away every single day.
Maybe the reason as to why they don't wanna turn to God no matter what happens is because they don't wanna get spiritual and stuff and go into any religion, or they once got hurt my the church before. Different people with different reasons and different problems.

Can you identify with these people?
Are you someone who knows people who are like this?
Just wanna encourage those people who have friends or family members who are like these to perservere no matter what happens.
The greatest power is in prayer..even though you cannot really see anything happening but continue to have the confidence that prayer works in the spiritual realms. They are weapons that defeat the devil.
With this confidence, press on in prayer for those whom you love no matter how long it takes until the point of death.
Because when there is one day where the person haven die, there is still one day of hope of salvation.
This may also apply for your christian friends as well...friends that are not living a life as a christian.
It is going to be tough and sometimes you may just feel like giving up.
But always rmb that God hasn't given up on your friend so you shouldn't too.
In every weakness, you can then see how God uses you and works through your life. Because God strength is seen in the weakness of every individual.
In every struggle, its the process of every growth.

As for those who can identify with what i have just said, why not try finding it in God and not end up going around in circles? If you never try, you will never know^^ try accepting that freely given love that God has provided just for you. He died and sacrificed, so that you may live again. Live a meaningful and purposeful life once again.

Lets press in and not give up as one body of Christ!

God bless you guys!

2012

Hey hey! today i went to watch 2012 movie with my friend^^
I know it may seem kinda late to watch it since it is shown like so long ago..
But i really recommend you guys to watch it if you all have a chance to.
The effects are really great! like fantastic!
I was watching the movie and it was like WO!
After watching the movie, i reflected alot about it.

Alot of the parts of the movie show people who are selfish.
People are struggling for survival, struggling to live, running to preserve their lives!
As buildings tear apart, glass shatter and ground crumbling down.
You see people dying, getting crushed my falling and rolling objects, falling into large cracks in the ground and getting washed away by the tsunami, falling from high lvls just like ants falling down from the table.
As i watch the movie with so many so many people dying, it doesn't really make a difference whether one extra person dies or not. Every life does not seem to hold much significance.
So it really amazed me as to why God holds every person's life with so much significance when He is so huge sees all of us as ants. He knows every person's name and the no. of hairs each of us have! i mean, we don't even know the no. of hairs with have. Thats the amount of detail God looks at us individuals.

As people try to fight for their survival, many of them are at the expense of others. It caused the death of others.
There was a scene towards the end whereby the gates are closed and alot of people are not allowed to get into the ships. As they gather towards the curb, they were pushing towards the front and the people in front who are not strong enough end up falling over and dying one by one as they drop over...
The question is, "why are they pushing towards the front?" because they wanted to fight to live and not care about others.
It is a human nature to be selfish, to fight for one's own rights, one's own property, one's own freedom..etc.
When this happens esp in this competitive world, "who cares about the rest right? i happy thats all that matters."
But God=love. He is the most sacrificial person i have ever known. He is willing to die for you and i when he is not guilty of anything at all. He is willing to die for you and i even when we do not even know Him, even before we are born when He did not need to do it nor go through all these sufferings. When He could have let everyone die and go to hell (all the little ants), He chose to provide a way out. I think this act and choice is the most precious memory that anyone can have of Jesus Christ. When you say someone is selfish? Jesus is the exact opp of it.

The story goes whereby only the chosen ones get to board the ships, with only about 5 ships in total, stationed in china, it is impossible to hold everyone from all around the world.
The chosen ones are the wealthy, the smart ones, different genes to repopulate, the ones that can contribute.
Those which are poor and not as smart do not get a chance to board but just to die.
I started to think if Jesus was in the movie, he will be one of those who are poor and work in a low paid job. He would be amongst those whom are doomed and predicted to die, not having any chance of escape.
I think this is something to think about. Why would Jesus want to mix around with the poor and as the world sees are people who are "nothing"? He could have transformed into someone who is rich and powerful, probably the president.
Because He favours those who thinks they have got nothing but God. Those who needs Him and not the rich and snoty who thinks they have got every right and everything they need.
This is why, He seeks and uses those who are deemed failures and not those who are successful.

At the point of death, i saw families hugging each other, trying to fight to stay together and stay alive. Families calling one another to bid their last goodbye, to seek for forgiveness and love. I realised one thing. What the movie potrays is that family is the most important thing that anyone, even the richest or toughest guy seeks for. Even who may seem as the coldest guy has feelings and that human beings have feelings and seeks love and loves. This is what makes a human human.
I realised that the people that will stand by each other, miss each other and look out for each other even until the point of death, is your family. They are the closest to you even though some of you may not feel that way. I am not a family person too. But think about it and place your focus onto the right place.

I hope this encourages some people out there who reads my blog.

God Bless you

Growing up?

It has been so super long since i every posted something because i was busy with A lvls and i have got nothing much to say..i guess i have been too involved with me and myself that sometimes i forget to see the things around me.
Oh well..today i just wanna talk about my experiences on wednesday.

Eloise invited me to be a volunteer for a day at some kinderrden because they needed helpers to take care of the children because they are having come major performance at the NUS cultural centre.
What i know is that that kindagarden got alot of branches so they got like so many so many children.
Eloise and i took care of the 3 and 4 year olds...but mostly the 3 year olds.

it started around 8.30 am and ended around 10pm..
The schedule roughly was that the children gather at the kindergarden in the morning then took the bus to NUS then have rehearsal then take the bus back and go home to sleep from 2 to 4.30 then come back at 5 to head to NUS again for the real thing from 7 to 9.30 because of the so many so many performances from ages 3 to 6.
Eloise and i only get the watch abit of the rehearsals full view..

Anws, i wanted to talk about children.
Children? to some it may be something that they really really dread hearing. they just wanna kill them kind.
To some, they just get excited when they see children.
To me, i just love them..and i am going to tell you why..

When i first entered the kindergarden, and the kids came in one by one, they were really all extremely cute! some you can tell will be super cute when they grow up, some only cute at that point of time and some not say very cute la..but most of them are just adorable.
I was a stranger to them at first and i was basically talking to myself.
Not knowing how to relate to them, what to talk about and how to go about making them feel comfortable inorder to talk to me, i just tried my very best to think in their shoes and be who i was 15 years ago.
But i failed at first. they were so so quiet and unresponsive..they just stared at me with their huge sparkling eyes.
(btw, there is this guy that i think super look like eddie if you all know him)


On the bus trip to NUS, i met the 4 years olds and i met this guy that eloise said looked like joseph, his name is kirk...all the bus trips of a total of around 60 min was just basically him and i talking..he was really open as we talked about common topics like ben 10, transformers and stuff as i thought him shadows as to how to make butterflies..etc. He was a really polite boy too!

Skipping to the rehearsals part, as i watched them practice as the song plays with their great looking costumes with many different themes for different groups of kids, the performances were messy..children are like fidgiting around, uncoordinated moves..etc. But overall, it was really very cute too as everyone clap their hands and encouraged the kids despite their failures and the many mistakes. It was good performance..
I asked the kids how was it and are they very scared? They said no..and it was very fun. They can't wait to do it again.

As i sat back and watch the whole scene, i started to think about life.
Life as in the growing up process.
Why is it that as we grow, the many expectations grow with us?
Why is it that as we grow, people demand for more perfection?
Does that mean that as we grow, mistakes should get lesser?
Does it mean that as we grow, mistakes cannot be made and it will just disappear?
Shouldn't performances be something that is fun and exciting? of course i know we must show the results...but at the end of the day what is the thing that lasts? the medal? or the experience?

As i see how anxious and proud the so many parents can be when they pick their kids up,
i started to compare..what will happen in 10 years time for them?
will the parents still treat them the same?
This, really saddens me.

As time passes and i had to help the kids to open their food and bringing them to the toilet and helping them do their businesses and change their clothes, these started to pay off a little by a little.
They started to open up to me.
I started to teach them a new game and played with them, talked to them, read to them..etc while waiting for the bus to come.
They started to come to me for help and shared with me issues like who bully who and who push who kind of thing.
The amazing thing was that they can be angry with each other, showing their faces of anger and guilt, but the next moment they can be ok and happy with one another again.

This point really touches me because the world of children reall differs from the world of the adults.
Not only are the issues different, the people also get changed and get shaped because of age.
I dunno whether you can call it a good thing or not.
We tend to conceal our feelings. We can show that we are good friends with the other party but actually we dislike them deep inside.
Sometimes i do feel that we are like hypocrates.
We always try to only show our happy and good side even if we are angry and sad.
I have no idea why..don't normal human beings have feelings?
I guess it may be due to pride and face.

In the children's world, even when the adults scold them and they got scared by them, or any random kid dislike any of the teachers for example, I realise that once that teacher or the adults treat them nicely and better, they will do the same.
I think this is something that all of us have to learn from.
Some may argue that this is because the kids forgot about the incident.
But i choose to believe that they forgave the person who wronged them very easily and do not hold any grudges.
Don't you think this is just amazing?

I dunno why i started to relate to the kids to old people too...
These two groups of people are people who require the most concern and help.
Why?
Because they are the most vulnerable ones and get cheated very easily especially in the complexity of the world as some might say.
The children are unable to take care of themselves and do basic activities and stuff like peeing, helping them to climb the stairs and stuff..

Oh! The one thing that i saw was that the kids were holding the hands of their friends...they do not bother whether he/she is a guy or a girl..and i thought it was really very cute because they were all so happy to be with their friends..as they try to cheer those who are crying and unhappy up, trying to stand up for the right thing and to prevent their friends from getting bullied..

But as we grow up, all these things starts to blur...

And i myself get into this confusion...

The world of children is just so clear cut and simple.

Even though they might be living in the same world as all of us, they are also living in another world. In their very own little world.

You may think this is just being unrealistic and childish..but i think, the world of children is just amazing.

I guess thats why Jesus loved the little children too.

Someone once told me, "life is complicated."

But i still believe that life is simple. Only if you believe it to be so..because, you once lived a simple and happy life.

God loves you

Death

Have you ever thought about death before?
Death is an issue that is often avoided by many...whenever death is concerned, people will be uncomfortable talking about it.
Death is also can issue that is usually talked about by the elderly, the old, the sick..etc.
You do not really see the young who appear energetic and vibrant talking about death.
Don't you think it is kind of weird as to why people do not talk about it when everyone will get to experience death sooner or later?
Why is it so?
Death is something that is unknown, hidden..
There are several reasons as to why people do not want to die that i currently observe.
1. They have unfinished business..whether it is with regards to family, friends, carrier, education, sports or anything that one desires to complete but is not completed.
2. They are afraid of what comes after death...(who knows? unless one experiences it rite?)
3. They do not want to leave the things and people that they currently have and own eg. money.
4. They just don't want their life to end so quickly.


People always say, "i am too young to die!"
What i can say is, no one is too young to die.
When death comes our way, even science cannot stop it..
Anyone can die anytime...you do not really know or predict when one will die right?
It comes like a rushing wind..
There was a song that goes, "i am, a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tmr, a wave tossed in the ocean, a vapour in the wind."
This song shows how short our life is and how quickly it will come to past.
It also shows the fragility of life.

You must be wondering how come i suddenly talked about death..
These few days, i have been asking God to speak to me, cause i really want to hear from Him..it just feels kinda weird that everything i do, i do it without asking Him nor waiting for His reply..i felt that the things that i say, do not really have the essence of God within it.
What i didn't realise is that God always spoke to me..and today it all started to make sense.

I was rushing for the class party today and i was already quite late...
As i was walking to my house busstop, i saw the bus...so my first reaction was to run to the next busstop..and so, i crossed the road without the traffic light.
The many cars stopped because of the traffic light and i started to run across..i didn't see a motorbike travelling in the midst of the cars and it almost ran over me..
It was kinda fast and if i were to take a step further and faster, i would have been in the hospital already..
Quite scary rite?
But what amazed me was my own reaction...i wasn't even a tiny bit scared..
i just retreated then ran forward again..
I was telling my two other friends that it felt as if i was ready to go..
Because i had previous incidents with cars almost banging me down in the past i got really scared and tramatized..it was different this time..very different.

I started to think about death..
And i recalled about the news of people dying all over the world because of all the natural disasters like earthquakes, tsunami, floods..etc.
It is really getting increasingly prevalent that every week there is at least 1 natural disaster killing thousands.
I also started to think about what me and my friends were talking about this week..

I started off telling one of my classmate, "i think i going to have a stroke soon.."
she said, "why?"
I continued.."cause my eyebrown has been twitching non-stop for like a week already..and everytime i do my work then it gets very irritating..it was as if my heartbeat transferred to my eye brown through the veins..so i felt the heartbeat in my eye browns.."
She laughed and laughed..haha^^
Then she shared it will with rest of the people...then they all laugh..
When my other friend heard this, she started talking about someone she know collapsed and fainted during a bbq or something..then she got up and said she was fine and she continued mixing around and laughing and the moment she got back home after the bbq, she died.
She died because she got a stroke..and she didn't know..

Don't you think it is really sudden? who knows what is going to happen tmr?
So live your days to the fullest.
I was reading a small book on the bus just now..
And it also talks about death.

It talks about us being made to last forever...
That "This life is preperation for the next."
You have probably heard this like 1 million times..but i still wanna share^^
While life on earth offers many choices, eternity offers only 2 choices: heaven or hell."
Your relationship with God on earth will determine your relationship to him in eternity.
The Bible says, "God has planted eternity in the human heart."
You have an inborn instinct that longs for immorality. God designed you, in his image, to live for eternity.
So, even though we know that everyone eventually dies, death always seems unnatural and unfair.
When you fully comprehend that there is more to life than just here and now, and you realise that life is just a preparation for eternity, you will begin to live differently on a daily basis.
like in every situation, circumstance, decisions..you won't really mind and care about the small little petty things anymore..
You will realise that the clothes you wear, what you have will not last..what will last is your relationships with people and how you act.
Every act of our lives strikes some chord that will vibrate in eternity.
The most damaging aspect of contemporary living is short-term thinking...

Another analogy is your life here is like the nine months that you spent in your mother's womb were not an end in themselves but preparation for life.
Your time here won't be the last of you..
When you die, it will be like your birthday into eternal life.

My geog teacher said something today to motivate us for our A lvls..
She said, "you only have 30 more days to A lvls.."
We said, "but we choose to live in denial."
She said, "But the A lvls will still come, so you just have to embrace it."

Its just like death..if you choose to ignore it and live the days of your life as if you got forever, think again.

Years ago, a popular slogan encouraged people to live each day as "the first day of the rest of your life."
Actually, it would be wiser to live each day as if it were the last day of your life. It ought to be the business of every day to prepare for our final day."

God bless you guys!

A run amongst the terrace houses

I never liked running...
I find it mentally and physically draining..
I like to do all kinds of sports besides running.
But i realised that sometimes i need to do so...
running is one of the only sports that one can do alone.
I run whenever i feel upset about something and i really needed to release it out..

This has been the second time in my life that i ran...alone.
Why? i just felt really upset, frustrated and confused with my feelings..
As i was running today, i was searching for something, a sign, anything from God.
I just needed a word of comfort from Him.
I wanted Him to speak to me.

I searched really hard, running uphill, down hill, looking up at the sky and everything..only to hear fierce dogs barking at me..
I reached a deserted playground and i sat on the swing, breathless, trying to catch my breath and tasting what i had enjoyed in the past when i was a little girl and the current me.

Going back to a few days ago, i was at my house downstairs waiting for the lift to arrive.
I saw 2 maids and 3 children.
One of the little tiny boy was really very very cute.
he just give the innocent smile and by the shirt he was wearing, he was from "apple tree" a nursery.
There were 2 other girls beside him..they were sitting on a table.

I started to think when i entered the lift, how beautiful the world is to this little boy..
everywhere is just filled with raindows and lots of fun!
Why is it that as we grow, we start to see a world of bleakness?
Why is it that as we grow, our "rainbow world" starts to fade away?
Is it due to human complexity or the so called maturity?
"can innocence and complexity coexist?"
i think they can.
Because it depends very much on how one thinks.
It is just like the little boy and adults. they all live in the same world and see the same things...but they in a way "see" the things differently too..
Thats why i love kids. I love their innocence and happiness which also affects how others around feel. i wanna be like them.

Coming back to the running part.
As i was swinging on the swing and looking at the scenery around me, i realised that if i stretched out my legs straight, the swing will continue to swing back and forth.
The only thing is that i have to make the effort and perservere putting my legs straight for a long period of time.
And finally, i got too tired, i dropped my legs and soon after, the swing stopped moving.
I started to think (i dunno whether it is from the Holy Spirit or not) but i start to relate it to church.
If i continue to perservere on just like me keeping my legs straight, the swing will continue to swing. But if i choose to give up just like that, there will be no chance of it moving anymore, just like my spiritual walk with God.
the message here is, don't give up..don't give up nicole.

I stood up from the swing and turned around, i saw 2 very old couple exercising together..they were like smiling and stuff..i think they are like in their 80s already with pure white hair..
It really comforted me because it showed me that there is actually hope in marriages..
Why i think that way?
I think it is because what i see in this world today is broken marriages of all religions..
divorse rates shooting high up.

There was something else that noticed.
It was the London kind of the telephone booth! (the red one)
i thought there was a phone in there...
As i walk towards it excitedly, and peeked into it, what i saw was nothing.
then i walked away and started running again..
when i ran up the hill, i saw another of the same thing like amongst the houses..
i was very happy at first.
But when i peeked into it, i saw nothing again.
the message that i thought of is, "what appears to be, may not be what it is."
and i thought about other churches this time.
No matter how good i think the other churches are, it may not be what i think it is.

It has been a very interesting run as long as you go with an open heart and mind, searching for stuff to look into and think about, God speaks. (you just got to know how to desifer them)^^

God bless you guys.

A story

Hey hey...i know that it has really been a super long time since i ever posted a post and i guess maybe this blog is like forgotten already..haha.

Many things have happened and i don reall wish to talk about it..too complicated to type it out..

The reason why i wanted to blog today is that i wanted to share with you all a little story that i read from "chicken soup for the christian soul 2" a book that i borrowed from the library and leng shan introduced it to me de.

This story struck me when i was doing my qt and prayed for God to speak to me..and i randomly flipped a page..and this was the story: "IN GOOD HANDS"

"The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanted anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." 2 Peter 3:9

The phone rang early. Hal, my husband, answered it before it rang again.

"Yes?" he said. "Oh...i see." By the tone of his voice i knew it was the phone call we'd expected and dreaded.

We'd watched Hal's father. Harold, grow weaker since his heart attack in January. Dad's bypass surgery eight years earlier had given us far more than the five years doctors had promised. Then Dad experienced several smaller heart attacks. His lungs began filling with fluid. Doctors had reached the end of what they could do for him in the hospital and transferred him to an extended care facility.

With his needs beyond what care we could give and because he lived an hour and a half away, the most we could do was visit him as often as possible. Since we couldn't help him physically, the best care we could give was to care for his soul.

Hal and I had become Christians 15 years earlier, and we wanted to share our faith with his family. His mother, Grace, had taken Hal and his brothers to church when they were young, but his father never went. Grace quit attending after Dad's first heart attack. Did she stay home to make sure Dad was okay after his quaduple bypass? Or had his heart attack shaken her faith? I didn't know.

'Give us an opportunity to tell Dad about you, I prayed to Jesus. He must decide whether he will take you as his Saviour, but please don't let him die without a clear opportunity to respond to you.' I had prayed similar prayers for years, but when Dad became sick my urgency increased.

Hal hang up the phone. "Dad died at 3.30 this morn."

'Lord,' i prayed silently, 'did he have the opportunity i asked for?'

Hal and I had both looked for that opportunity to tell Dad about Jesus, but we saw none. With each visit, Dad seemed less willing to talk to us at all. He just stared at the tv. When we tried to start a convo, he pressed the "up" button on the volume control. The more we tried, the more he increased the volume. The urgency i felt inside increased as well.

We asked a hospital chaplain to visit Dad. He did. We asked our pastor to visit. He made the trip. A pastor from Mom's church visited too, but the result was always the same. Up, up went the volume on the TV. I didn't know what else to do but pray.

And now Dad was gone.

According to my fauth, those who accept Jesus christ as saviour are ensured an eternity in heaven with Him. However, those who refuse this gift of salvation spend eternity seperated from God. I still hoped somehow God had answered my prayer and had helped Dad understand, but had He? I didn't know...

We buried Dad in the veteran of the World war 2 herself, made her own final arrangements at the same time but non of us knew how soon she would need them.

The week after Dad's funeral, she started showing signs of illness. One day, a neighbour found her on the floor, incoherent. Doctors diagnosed Mom with a cancerous tumor in her stomach plus lymphoma.
She was hospitalised and we resumed the endless trips to visit.

Mom was too weak to live alone, and her sons discussed their options, each offering to care for her.
But it became clear her needs exceeded what any of us could give. The best we could do as her caregivers was to let professionals help.
She moved into an extended care facility. The chemo began having small strokes, then a major stroke. And there we were, the week of Christmas, laying Grace to rest beside her husband.
We invited everyone to gather at our home that Christmas. As we quietly celebrated the birth of Jesus, I not only wondered about Harold, I also wondered if Grace had a true understanding of Jesus Christ. How I wished I knew.

The new year dawned, and we all felt emotionally and physically drained.
Nevertheless, the work of dealing with Harold and Grace's estate lay before us.
Each of us sorted, separated, donated, gave away or sold their belongings. We fixed up their home for sale, painting inside and out.
Finally, 6 months later, Hal and I set the few remaining items in the driveway for one last garage sale.

Neighbors, Christine and Alfonso, stopped by.
"you know, we visited your dad in the nursing home," Alfonso told us.
"No, we didn't know that," Hal said.
"one afternoon i told Christine, 'We need to go see Harold.' We went right then. When i walked into his room," Alfonso said," his face lit up! He was so happy to see us. So i just started telling him about Jesus."
"Really?" Hal asked, glancing at me.
"your dad said he wasn't ready to go," Alfonso said."I told him, 'I'm not saying that you're going to die, but we all need to be ready.' I explained to him about Jesus and then asked if he'd like to ask Jesus to be his Saviour. He began to weep and said yes, so i led him in a prayer."

"We had no idea! when did this happen?" I asked, incredulously.
"Well," Alfonso thought for a moment, "he died early the next morning."
"I prayed with your mother too." christine added.
"When the ambulance came for your dad, i stayed with her. I asked her if she was sure she'd go to heaven when she died and she said no, so i prayed with her so she could be sure."

"Your parents are in heaven," Alfonso declared.
I know.

Thats the end of this story...
And i really do hope that you will get touched by this story and just continue to pray for those who are unsaved..
You will never know, maybe right before they die, they will get saved?
Maybe God will send one of His servants to share with them about the gospel?

What i learnt is, only until the day they die, there is still hope.

God bless you always ^^

Love for the lost

I just wanna share with you how God spoke to me in my times of despair and it is really just amazing..and i think what i am going to share today will be applicable to everyone...so read on k! If you all really very lazy then just read the blue coloured words^^

This whole week of school is really hectic because i experienced the things that i didn't experience before..
Those of you who have my msn, i ever typed this on my personal message, "i am losing something that i had before..."
And that something is COMPASSION and LOVE for the people.

I have no idea why, but i seem to have lost this love for the people and the desire to want them to get saved and it became very real to me last week till this week. (Starting from mon it became worst)
My ability to love my classmates and the push to sharing the gospel and be sensitive to the spirit, trying to grasp every opportunity that i have to share the gospel and just really have this burden for their salvation in my heart. To feel what God feels, to grieve for what God grieves for..
Thoughts like "ai ya..i try so hard already, they all already know the gospel, no point in repeating the same old thing."
I seem to be comprimising to them and do not really emphasize so much on the words and language they use.
My passion for God and doing the work for God just subsided because i felt so discouraged.
I felt as though i try so so hard but i don see God moving at all..i don see the changes, i just don't see even a slightest bit if change...
I start to interceed in prayer for my father, extended family and friends for the sake of interceeding but the hope and conviction that they are going to saved when i pray disappeared though time..

The amazing thing was that, it was only this mon that i brought it up and told the rest in the prayer group in CJ morn meetings and fasting from break periods because i felt like there is a need to share...
They gave me the usual encouragements and stuff..i agree to what they say..but there was not much of a change actually..
Also, I realised that there are so many other christians out there, in churches who do not love nor feel the burden at all...and I felt really sad and helpless as i dunno how to help and support them...
God spoke to me through the 40 day fasting booklet because this whole week was basically talking about being intercessors and showing how jeremiah suffered for God and about just telling and proclaiming God's word to the world. And everyday, God will just speak to me through christian friends and His word..

And today, CJ prayer group did campus evangelism.

At first i really didn't feel like going...but i was reminded of the song i sang in the morn during the prayer group session. It is called "For the Lost" i think and the first stanza goes "In prayer we will seek your will. As we turn from sin. And though it cost us much, We'll give you all we've got. For the fields are white for harvest, Souls to be won for Jesus."

Because of that, i went ahead.

Summarising the things that happened as i went forth to the canteen with people from the prayer group 2-3 people, i just got really angry and pissed off..

Out of the 2 hours of campus e, we used the 1 hour to evangelise to a total of 4 people (2 claim to be christians) and for the other 1 hour the 2 other people whom i went with, try to comfort, encourage and calm me down. They really spoke their mind and told me straight that i shouldn't get angry with them and stuff..

The reason why i got so angry was because the christians claim themselves to be christians, but when i invited them for prayer group they didn't want to come..cause they say too busy and stuff..everyone that we shared to kept on asking us intellectual questions..questions like, "how do you know that your God is real? How do you know that your God is the real and true God when there are like so many other God's around? Who knows? maybe Ala is the real one lei? it is just your own personal belief. Maybe all the historical proof are fake? it is just blind faith!"

I get so so heated up, i really wanted to start a debate on it..i really wanted to show them that the Bible can actually be proven to be right. But at the end, thank God my other prayer group members stopped me in time..

Then i went for cell at night..and we went for some "light up" prayer and service meeting thing organised by hwa chong every year and it was held at bukit timah shopping centre...

I didn't know what it really was so i just went ahead with the other cell people..

And this is the thingy that i wanted to encourage you all with..it was the sermon that i heard and God really spoke to me personally through it.

It was about "The Great Commission" = matthew chap 28 verse 19. "Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptising them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit."

Especially in JCs and polys, there will be many who will try to prove that God does not exist, there will be many that try to beat us christians up intellectually..

And for me, i will usually be the one who try to convince them, reason with them and try to win their arguments and debates about God.

But actually ALL that we need is to love them and bless them.

There was this blessings campaign going around where by, people will go up to random strangers to pray for them just to show them that God loves and cares for them.

And the pastor shared that there was this engineering guy, he held on to the notion that he is the pastor of his workplace and thus went to pray for 1 colleage a day.. and by the end of the campaign, there were 14 colleages queuing up and asking him to pray for them and some even converted to christians..

If we use the intellectual stuff to convince them and argue with them, it is just like taking the Bible and hitting them on the head, making them not wanting to talk to you again, about God especially..so what if you win the argument? They wanna argue because they cannot see. They cannot see the God that you claim to have..they cannot see the things that are said in the Bible.

By loving and blessing them and when they experience God's love and stuff, they can see the real things happening..not only in their lives, but yours.

They are looking at how you present yourself as a christian, a child of God.

Are you willing to offer yourselves to show others that you care?

Offer yourselves to show others that God loves them?

Will you be the first to pray for them with they face certain problems in school, be it studies or falling sick? If you ask them whether they want you to pray for them, and they feel very uncertain, can just say, "you got nothing to lose what, if it works then good for you..if it doesn't work, it isn't going to cost you anything mah." But if they don't want then you don push it on further ler..

Will they feel comfortable confiding in you?

How about all the other people that are considered the outcast? People that drink or smoke? People that join gangs and take drugs?

Many will say, "oh...i don want to go and talk and mix with them, i want to maintain my holiness lvl."

But think about it, if you don't do it, who will? the other non-christians?

One of the difficulties that we face while sharing the gospel in school is that when we try to invite people to go to church, they always don't want to go.

So instead of bringing the people to church, you can bring the church to the school.

Some people will really go all out and to large extents just to evangelise. But actually when you can do is just right in front of you. We are called to love and bless people.

Always ask yourself, what makes me so different by the way we live our lives from the rest of the people?

Is it just a name?

The love of Jesus Christ goes beyond theology or whether your friend can speak tongues.

Someone once said, "if you really have experience with Jesus christ, how can you not share it?" cause it should be something real amazing and outpouring.

Prayer is really important.

God gives us something called prayer so that our prayers can move the heavens and touch God.

1 Peter chap 2 verse 9, "But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God's very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light."

We are called to be pastors in our school, our homes and even in our workplace.

As long as we pray and seek God, we are able to change the whole spiritual atmosphere in school/ workplace. Lets have unity in Christ. Let us take courage to be different. (in a Christ-like way)

As long as you are sincere and true to yourself about what you really want God to change you or to help you, God will speak. Just like how God speaks to me, as you yearn, wait and be sensitive, God will speak and transform you today^^

There is a verse that i want to share..1 Peter chap 3 verse 1 "....Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives."

God loves and never rejects your sincere heart.

A trip to the beach

Have you ever thought about how amazing is that someone who created so many things that you see on earth?
The trees,
the ocean, the many different colours and variety of animals and plants?
Ain't they unique?

Today i wanna talk about a trip to sentosa...
I went there with ah gong (zhong han), leng shan, ling zhi, david choo and jasmine.
We were supposed to watch some jazz musical thingy..but at the end, i wasn't very interested and ah gong, ls and i went to walk at the beach..
It was quite late like 9 plus and we just layed on the beach and look at the sky, sea, stars and to feel the wind and hear the ocean...
I think it really feels great to get intuned with nature..
Just amazing.

It was my first time lying on the sand bed.
I grabbed the sand and i thought about where it came from..it came from disintegrated rocks from all around singapore and many other countries..
I thought about how we are like the sand..the world consists of many thousand, millions, billions, trillions of people since the beginning of time..
And each grain of sand represents each of us..
All of us are unique and special just like how no two grains of sand are the same.
we are like so puni and insignificant just like, who will take notice of a single grain of sand right?
cause it is like 1 grain of you amongst the so many other people out there..
Thats why i really thank God cause even God, the greatest and most significant being of all cares about this grain of sand and He loves us without any condition..
He loves us just because we are a grain of sand..it is that simple and it depends on us whether we want to accept this love..because no relationship can be established if it is only a one way thing.

I started to think about death..
Ask you, how many of you will actually look at the newspaper page of who died and stuff?
everyday, someone dies...but who will actually care?
Maybe the person's family la...but that is all right?
But there is a God out there who cares about every single soul and He cares even more about where are we going to spend our eternal lives in.
Thats why He chose to suffer and die for us.

I think alot of us get so so caught up with life that we forgot and miss out on some of the things in life..
We miss out on how to appreciate nature and nature itself.
The things we have to do are like always there like forever..it is never ending!
Only when we learn to take sometime out to enjoy and appreciate the fundamentals around us and not get so caught up with wanting and chasing life itself, will we get to enjoy simple joys.
Zhong Han added on to my thought.
he said that he will never forget to enjoy nature because he love nature and it is already part of him..
I believe it is the same as our christian walk and out relationship with God.
We always sing songs praising God and declaring that we love Him and stuff..
But as Zhong Han says..if we love something, we will take it as part of us and we will always no matter how busy we are, find time to appreciate Him and to talk to Him, seek His opinion and stuff..because He is part of us if we are truely His children...

I believe that all these things that we usually forget are things and experiences are we always miss out. And usually they are the most valuable ones.
So take some time out just appreciate the simple and most fundamental things in life today!

God loves you!

TRANSFORMERS

Have you watched transformers 2, the movie?
I thought that it was not a bad show and i asked like quite a few ppl!
some said it was worth watching, some said it was boring, some said it was too long...etc..
But there was something that the male lead said and i got really inspired^^

You know the ending part whereby the guy went to the location of his brain signals at the pyramid there...
Then rite, he saw the key amongst all the robots?
The key to save optimus prime?
He found hope and when he took it, it turned into dust because it had been there for such a long long time..
The people who followed him there, they all said it was over and gave up..
But he collected the dust in his socks.
The rest asked him what he was doing and why he had to do collect these dust cause it is like of no use anymore..
He said, "because i believe." "there must be a reason for us coming here, there must be a reason for everything that had happened!"

After he said that, i was reminded of one particular friend..
She said that she do not believe in prayers because i tried to pray for her in her times of despair and she told me it doesn't work at all..
i was kinda shocked..because i thought like in times of helplessness and despair, these are times whereby ppl turn towards God.
She is like those ppl that followed the guy in transformers to the place..they lost hope.

But i believe that everything begins with one word. "BELIEVE"
just like the transformer guy.
It is because he first believed that he saved the entire world from the bad robots..

I believe it is the same regarding our faith in God..
It really all begins with a believe that brings us closer..
it all begins with a believe that miracles can actually occur..
it all begins with a believe that prayer works thats why we pray..
it all begins with a believe that God exist in the first place^^
And i am sure the ending for us will be much better than the transformer's ending.

So think about what you really believe in today!
And hold strong to this believe.
Because only when you believe, the unbelievable can happen.

God loves you

God loves FOREVER!

Hey ppl!! yesterday and today i went for church and i sang the song, "Forever"
I didn't really like the song..dunno why..and ths caused me to focus on it even more today..
the song has a line that is repeated over and over again..."His love endures forever.."
Today, i wanna focus on the word "forever"

How many of you have experienced and know that people around you who loves you are willing to die for you?
And i mean really die for you?
Or, are you willing to die for someone?
I think for me personally, it is a very tough and difficult decision to make..and one must really really LOVE that person before he/she can die for him/her.
And this LOVE have to exceed and go beyond the LOVE for oneself..which goes against the selfish human nature.

Things change, people change, scenery change, your environment change...etc.
They grow and die as the day passes..
Nothing is everlasting, don't you think?
There is nothing on this earth that lasts forever and is stagnant.

As i was singing that song, i really appreciated God alot...
Like, He is the only one who doesn't change, who is everlasting, who provides promises and never fails.
Don't you think it is amazing cause He can go against all the nature of change?

I was reminded of economics..and there was one chapter about exchange rate..
If one country's currency keep fluctuating throughout the year, up and down, it will create the problem of uncertainty and it inturn affects the amount of investments that are going to come in..be it long term or short term.
This is because the investors will be very scared and cannot trust that the country can make funds because of its instability..

Same for relationships..
If your friend keep on changing in character like throughout the year or in a few years, do you think your friendship can still withstand and be maintained?

Thats why i hold trust and faith in something that is never changing and can last forever, because it is firm and stable..
And that is Jesus Christ.
Besides, He loves us so so much, more than Himself as a God that He is willing to suffer and die just for you and I. Because God thinks that we deserve it.
Bet you all heard this like many many thousand times already..But i still wanna emphasize on the fact that He died for you, shouldn't you love Him back the same way?

I mean, if someone, anyone, is willing to die just for you, won't you get touched?
This is sacrificial love.
And what i found out was, Jesus is the only God that is willing to do so just to save us..

There was another thought that i had while i was listening to the sermon for the second time..
Joel was preaching and he talked about facebook...he said something like "if you are transformed from the inside, it will show it on the outside..", "out of the outflow of your heart, your mouth speaks." and "when is the last time you ever talked about God or even mentioned his name? what was your last update on facebook?"

I was reminded of something and i really want to ask you all this..
Do you pass by something, anything whether it is a shop, an item..etc, with the word "Jesus christ / God" on it and not feel anything?
Do you feel anything at all?
What i mean is, do you feel a sense of excitment and it really attracts you to go and look at it closer, even more..
Or will you just not feel anything but just walk past without bothering to look at it...

This shows how much you really love God and how much He really means to you and where you placed Him in your life..
Are you taking God for granted...thinking that He is just there for me to call when i need help and He will help..
Reflect upon this.

It is never too late to pray for a transformation to happen in your life today!
God will be more than happy to change you from the inside out.
Just remember two simple things you must do..
START PRAYING + BELIEVE..
If you don't start you never will..
If you don't believe then there is no point of praying.

GOD LOVES YOU ESPECIALLY!!

For who He is!

Here is the retreat theme song=) "for who you are"
Standing here in Your presence
Thinking of the good things You have done
Waiting here patiently
Just to hear Your still small voice again

Holy
righteous
faithful to the end
Saviour
healer
redeemer and friend

CHORUS I will worship You for who You are
I will worship You for who You are
I will worship You for who You are Jesus

BRIDGE My soul secure,
Your promise sure
Your love endures
always

My soul secure,
Your promise sure
Your love endures
always

Before retreat and during retreat my church sang this song many many times during worship..
I have been thinking about what it really means to say that "i will worship You for who you are."
whenever i sing the song..

In my point of view, i feel that to worship God for who He is is not easy...
Why?
Cause usually i will fall into the trap of worshipping God for what He can do, or what He does and not who He is.
Like many times, we only praise God and like rejoice in His name whenever we encounter something amazing that happens...or when God touches our lives, or when we pray for something and it came true!
When something just don't go the way we want them to and think it is right, we may blame God or just stop worshipping and claiming victory in His name...
i realised all these through several experiences that i have with God..
I don't blame Him, but i also don't thank Him..

Worhipping God for who He is means to put aside everything that He can do, the blessings that He can give to us..
It means to just rejoice in every situation we are in because our God is in control and He is so much bigger and more powerful..
It means to know Him better through the Bible so that we know exactly who He is..

Have you ever get treasured for who you are and not what you can do?
everyone can admire someone who is all talented in every area, the most popular, the cleverest..etc. (all these 'love' can be easily seen from the world) -everyone try to prove one another as to who is better and stuff..
However, would you rather someone loving you for who you are on the inside and not what you can do?
The measurement here is on the inside of ppl not on the outside.
And God is looking for that kind of love from us..
And this differentiates us from the other people of another religions (they worship their gods to ask for the things they want and need)

We must recognise that God deserves this kind of true love from us.
Because He is God.

Are you willing to worship Him for who He is today?

God loves you for who you are

Servant? God? huh? no link.

I wanna blog something first before i go for church retret next week!! yay!!
Yupps=)
You know i went for judo camp for 1 day today (supposed to be 3 days but i got things on)..but today was the most intensive...i came for training from 9am to 8.30 pm...
during the training camp i really felt like i was going to die anytime..i was like gasping for air and screaming to God for help..
This is the first judo prac that i cried so so much..over and over again..(not that i want to) but i shan't go into the details..
What i wanna talk about today is the lessons and things that i learnt from this whole day as the Holy spirit speaks to me..

Because we were having lunch at the canteen and i was like sitting with the other seniors (all guys) and the girl coach (who takes care of this whole camp) and after lunch, we stayed at the table just to talk to the seniors and stuff...
Therefore, there were only me and my partner (xing yun) who were the only j2s left there because the rest went up to the classroom to rest..
And the other male coach told me and xy to clear all the rubbish because we were the only ones left..i was like huh?
the male coach said "unless you wanna ask the seniors and the female coach along to clear the rubbish also."
The seniors's reply was, "no no you all should go and clear."
I said," but we clear together issn't it better cause then we will have unity!"
they didn't want and the male coach added on saying, "but there is only 1 big trash bag for you to clear only"
so, at the end, my and xy had to clear it..

I understand that they may want us to toughen up and be responsible and stuff...
But i was really reminded of Jesus Christ..
Ask you, who in the right mind will be willing to step down to a position so much lower than the position that you are presently in?
Lets say for example...would a director of a company or a ceo be willing to suffer a lack of money and become a begger on the streets?
No one in the right mind will do that right?
It is just like a seniors..they are also unwilling to step down from their senior status to help us..

However, there is one person that loves us so so much that he would even do such a foolish act of just stepping down..
And it is not just stepping down to a lower position, but to a lower of the lowest position..
Jesus christ who is the king in heaven, so big and majestic, so boundless, so amazing and had so many angels serving Him and stuff, why would He want to come down to this earth and to limit Himself as a small, fragile human being (somemore, human beings are part of His creation)...
I mean like, if it was me, i would want to reign over everything what..

And Jesus didn't just come down as a human being on earth to enjoy His life and stuff, He came down to endure all the sufferings of mankind. He came to get humiliated by His own creation, laughed at, hit, tortured physically like real badly just for us!
Shouldn't we repay back the amount of love He has for us?

There was once during cell, someone commented, "But Jesus is God and He knows that He will rise from the dead like after 3 days, so it is kinda unfair don't you think?"
Su hui jie (one of the leaders) told us, "it wasn't even fair for Him to come down to suffer even for 1 day and get tortured by us. was it even fair?"

When i was studying for GP midyears and i read about death penalty and stuff...there was one article that says, "it is not morally right for anyone to stand in for a guilty person even though she/he is willing to do it."
Jesus christ is willing to do it, He carried the sins of all of the world just to provide a way of salvation for us!" Isn't it amazing?

There was another thing that i thought about during the training..
because during the training, i saw the seniors and stuff just sitting around...and what some of them did was that they just tell us.."eh! hurry up leh!, do faster, turn in more!, do properly leh!"
These are some of the comments that they made..and we were all super duper shag like really going to die and in pain kind of feeling..
people started telling me about how one of the seniors think it was so easy to do the pt in the morn because they didn't do what my other cca members did early in the morn ( i wasn't there)

This brought me to think about things like....if they have never been through it, how would they know?
They think it is so easy but it is actually so tiring and difficult, not that we didn't put in effort and stuff in doing it..
it is so easy for them to make all the comments when they ain't the ones suffering and training..
If those who train with us and give the comments then i have got nothing to say la..but..
I started to think about God..
think about how God knows how we are feeling exactly, and the several sufferings we face in life because He has been through it?
Because He has came down to earth to suffer in a more extreme manner gives Him the right to tell us what to do and not to do..
He also has the authority to do so because He created us!

But, he didn't exert His authority over us.
He treated us with love that no other human beings could have..
Just like how many other seniors and the guy coach cared for our welfare (which is really very touching especially in the times of need), God cared for us much much more^^

We only have to respond to this love that is free and available...(it really takes 2 hands to clap)
Are you willing to accept this love that He has for you?
Are you willing to run back to the cross?

GOd loves you!

Surrender

Sorry..haven been blogging..cause i have been very busy with school and stuff..
Sometime in this week i felt spiritually drained..
I dunno why but i felt this sense of emptiness in my heart and i couldn't really feel God talking to me anymore...
I do not feel the compassion for the people around me, i started to feel like this passion is not there...
I felt this need and yearning for more of God because i seemed to have lost Him..
I started to pray about discernment from His voice and mine and the many others..
I started to pray for God to speak to me like the past, through songs, friends and the Bible...
I realised that life without God even if it were just a short moment was not a good thing..and i really cannot live without Him..
And finally, today, God spoke alot of things to me..

I have been asking questions on surrendering and placing everything to His control..
Have you ever asked questions as to how to surrender?
What it means whenever you say you surrender everything to God?
i mean like you can say you surrender everything and put everything into His control but still worry about it..eg. exams..
So how exactly do you know that you are surrendering?
By feelings?
How can you tell how much you are actually surrendering to God?

I have been praying about it for a week and...
As i was listening to the song "completely" this morn on the way to school for exams, there was this line that i heard was so distinctively different from the rest...the line was, "take my heart, take my soul, i surrender everything to your control..."
God spoke to me and i realised that surrender really depends on how much trust you put in that person..
And when you surrender, you will really rejoice in any outcome as you know that God is always in control...
Whether good or bad results and outcome, you will rejoice in Him..
And only when you do that, you can say that you have surrendered everything to His control...
So i would like to encourage you all that no matter what may happen in life, no matter what situations, problems and circumstances that you are currently facing now, learn to surrender...it is not easy but only when you learn to do that, you can truely walk in the will of God..
What i know is that the characters in the Bible like paul and many others, they chose to rejoice even at the worst circumstance. They chose to sing praises to God even though they were going to get persecuted..
So, ultimately it depends on the choice you make^^

Another incident was also on the bus this morn..
I was listening to christian songs as usual and the volume was like just right, not too loud and not to soft..
Then there was this guy that sat next to me...
He had his earpiece on..
and the amazing thing was tat i can hear his music loud and clear!! and every single bit, every single tune..
so it is like his music is so loud that it can penetrate through his ear piece, through the air and through my ear piece into my ear!
amazing right? i was kinda amazed also...
And suddenly, it dawned upon me that this is especially true in the real world..

I dunno why but last sat when i went for the church's revival service, i really didn't want to go back to school cause i know i will face the many challenges and temptations once again from the people that i come into contact with in school..
I really just hope i can remain safe in the church forever..
I started to realise that when we are alone, we are like listening to christian music by ourselves like at home or in a quiet place..it is loud and clear..
But once we step out into the world, all these music is interupted and mixed with many other sounds and the words of the music becomes blurred and almost inaudible..
It is just like how we as christians try and struggle to live our lives as children of God when others are not..
Sometimes, it is just very hard to stay on focus and keep yourself in track, you seem to tend to fall into sin unknowingly and so easily..
Not easy for me too..
But i always try my best, tempted to do what others are doing and sinning and at the same time trying to focus on the question on "what would Jesus do" in every situation is not easy..
But as long as we try and pray, the Holy spirit will lend us a helping hand and give us an extra push..
I would just like to encourage those who try so hard but seem to fall back into sin and the ways of this world..
Just keep praying, just keep pressing on and seek for revival from God every single day.
It is not easy, but remember that what you are facing, Jesus faced the same or even greater amounts of temptations..
What you are facing is also faced by many other christians out there!
Jia you! just keep your faith in God and He can do wonders..
Learn to surrender.

God loves you!

Here today, gone tmr

Do you rmb the "who am i song" that i was sharing like a few post before?
Today i was singing it when i am bathing..
And i felt a sense sadness and it was kind of depressing..

I would like to focus on the first 2 lines of the song chorus, "I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow."

I am reminded again of how fragile life really is and how many are focusing on what can they gain from this earth...
I started to think of my studies...
Sure, many will say, studies is very important! cause you can get a good degree, then go university, then can get a good job, good pay, good life!
But is that what life is really all about?
Yes i agree that studies can help me gain survival and a easier life in future...
But besides wealth riches and all the material stuff, what else can we take or gain?
I can be the cleverest, smartest or even the riches person on the face of the earth, but is there anything beyond this that i can take?
so what if i got all these?
I realised that there is nothing to all these things..at the end of the day, all these things will mean nothing...
Nothing much will come out of it..
Thats why i cannot understand what the people are chasing it for..

Anws, i was also reminded about the story that kenneth (my regional leader) said today..
He told us about his friend's friend.
She committed suicide just recently..
Guess what, she is sec 2 (14 years of age)
She jumped down from the 4th story and didn't die immediately..
It was when she was sent to the hospital, on the way, she died of internal bleeding..

And kenneth's friend had been feeling very guilty about this matter because she didn't tell her about christ at all and she didn't know that she was facing problems.
She really regretted alot..

Someone gave a comment when the story was heard..."Huh? sec 2 only leh...how much suffering she have to go through? why is there a need to end her life?"

I started to think about the comment when i came home..
It is because that person has lost hope...
She has lost purpose in her life...even at such a young age..
She couldn't find anything on this worth on this earth that is worth living for..

you know, i ever felt that way before...
I will wake up in the morn and prepare for school and think about what am i doing all these for..

The reason why i am writing this is that i really want to encourage you all to keep this flame for God burning
Keep the passion of saving and sharing about God's word to the others burning always...
It may be difficult at times, fear may overwealm you and stop you..
Disappointments from all the rejections of your friends and family members may cause you to stumble and lose faith...thinking that it is kind of impossible and you have to wait for a long long time..
You may also think that someone else will do it for you...someone else will share the gospel in your place..

No matter what the reason may be, just remember that you will never know what is going to happen to the people around you..
You will never know when they will die, what they are facing and stuff...
When you share the gospel, you are actually providing hope to the person in despair and helplessness..
Don wait until it is too late...do it today...
But always rmb to pray and ask God to use the holy spirit to say what God wants to say to the people around you..because God always wants to save them more than you want them to be saved...
Lastly, learn to be patient...God has his perfect timing for them..
YOU can be one of the little chains that joins up and save the people around you...

God loves you always

Have? Don have?

I went to the hospital today and i felt that God spoke alot of things to me through the holy spirit..
You must be wondering why i went to the hospital (SGH) rite?
My grandma is really really sick..she got kidney failure and she did an operation on her neck area to stick 2 thick needles into her neck for blood washing, she cannot walk, she cannot control her pee, she cannot swallow properly then the water that she can drink have to be thicken by adding some powder thingy to prevent choking...and stuff..it is really very cham one..
Pray for her k!

Anws, my emphaize today is about my trip there^^
There is this maid that attended to her like almost 24 hours (the maid is last time from my uncle's house de) because my grandma was like very scared..she don want to be left alone..
When i went there for the first time today, the room was without aircon and i talked to my grandma and the maid..then when my grandma fell asleep, i talked and laugh with the maid..

As i see how the maid take care of my grandma, i started to realise that it wasn't easy...
Cause when the maid go off for a short while, my grandma wanted to puke and stuff..even i have difficulty trying to help her..
I think people like my grandma and many other grandma's in the ward requires alot of patience to be taken care of..
Every single action that my grandma do, auntie budi(the maid) will take note..even when my grandma speak very very softly in hokkien, budi will still be able to hear and she will immediately attend to her with a cheerful heart...
it ranges from taking the tissue, wanting to turn the body to sleep, wanting to adjust the bed up and down, wanting to place the pillow in a certain direction, wanting to vomit...etc.
budi also do not even have a nice bed to sleep at night, every single night...she could only sleep on the chair...but she always attend to her happily and really go all the way out for her, even when she wants to sleep..
It is like my grandma will wake up anytime and budi must be there to help.
And whenever my grandma want to eat sweet stuff, budi will say, "Don't eat" in hokkien..and my grandma will insist and of course at the end budi gave her alittle..
Because of that, she vomited...

Sometimes i look at her, and i really admire her for the things she has done.
Think about it, she has no blood relationship with my grandma and she has to do all these, i really don understand how happy can she feel...but still, she do it will love...
At my grandma's most helpless and vulnerable state, she is there to lend a helping hand..

As a look at my grandma's back view when she is sleeping, i realised that she is just like a child that needs to be attended and supported alot as it grows..

I started to think about God's love..
i think God's love is just like how budi cared and loved my grandma..
Always taking care very sincerely and always there whenever people call out to Him..
Every single time we call for help, He has always been there helping and just being side by side with us, walking through the problems or situations that we are facing with us...
He is always carrying us on his back.
Everytime we want to do certain things (like how my grandma wanted to eat sweet stuff), God will be there to stop and correct us with love and the intention that he wants to give us the best and what is good for us...and if we do not listen and still want to do it, he will not forcefully stop us, but to help us to learn and to stand up on our own feet with his help, after we suffer the consequences even though it may hurt him to see us suffer...
Even for those who are not children of God yet, those who are unsaved, God still provides for them, God still give them the many blessings..whether it is in material terms or people around them who cares for them...etc.

I ever read this book, and it talks about God giving us a taste of abit of heaven and abit of hell on earth...so there is good and evil (suffering) on earth until we die..
So it is up to us to make a decision as to what kind of life we want to lead and choose in our afterlife..
And i feel that it is quite amazing as to how many always choose hell in a way..
Alot of times they know that doing something is wrong but they still do it anyways...

I started to shift my view towards the bed next to my grandma's.
That patient is also another grandma..and she have a huge thick tube stuck to her neck and is connected to some machine..
i heard from my brother, who heard from budi that she also have a huge tube-like thingy stuck to her stomach..
That means, she got a hole at her neck and stomach..
and it is only through those holes that she can then breathe and eat because her body could no longer do that for her..

Just breathing and eating, such basic tasks of a human body, she cannot even do and have so so much difficulty doing it..

I started to think about the question on, "Are we taking our lives for granted?"
We always think about the things that we don have, then always say, "i hope, i wish this this this will happen/ i wish, i am born pretty/ i wish i didn't have to live/ i wish my family wasn't like that..etc" All these hopes and wishes shows us that we are focusing on the things that we don't have that are beyond our control..
And as we focus on the things we don't have, we will tend to neglect and forget about the things that we actually do have...
People out there are trying their best to survive..
People like the grandma, she cannot even breathe and eat!
Shouldn't we appreciate and treasure the fact that we are healthy? the fact that we are able to breathe...etc.
For everything in your everyday life, there is something to thank God about..
for the grandma, she can be thankful to the fact that she is living in singapore and have the technology to help her...at least she got a bed to sleep on, at least she got hands and legs, at least she still has a God that loves her..
It depends on how you view things in the many situations that you are facing..

If we keep on focusing on the things that we don't have, we will be a very very unhappy and uncontented person..
Just rmb that there will always be someone worst than you in everything that you face, you will feel that you are really already very blessed by God.

Learn to treasure what you have today! especially on the things or people that you have difficulty loving and treasuring.

God loves you more than you can expect!

Our focus

I was singing and bathing at the same time last week...
I was reminded of the song, "five loaves and two fishes" by Corrinne May...
As i sang, i started to realise somethings...
Here is the lyrics of the song...



A little boy of thirteen was on his way to school
He heard a crowd of people laughing and he went to take a look
Thousands were listening to the stories of one man
He spoke with such wisdom, even the kids could understand
The hours passed so quickly, the day turned to night
Everyone was hungry but there was no food in sight
The boy looked in his lunchbox at the little that he had
He wasn't sure what good it'd do, there were thousands to be fed
But he saw the twinkling eyes of Jesus
The kindness in His smile
And the boy cried out
With the trust of a child

He said:"Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and my inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all to feed them all

"I often think about that boy when I'm feeling small
And I worry that the work I do means nothing at all
But every single tear I cry is a diamond in His hands
And every door that slams in my face, I will offer up in prayer
So I'll give you every breath that I have
Oh Lord, you can work miracles
All that you need is my "Amen"

So take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you willI surrender
Take my fears and my inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
I hope it's not too small
I trust in you
I trust in you

So take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will I surrender
Take my fears and my inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
No gift is too small

You see all the bolded words?
These are the things that i am going to focus on today..

Just imagine yourself as the boy...when you look at what you have in the lunchbox, it is so so little, how can it be possible for food that is not enough for even one adult to consume to feed thousands?
why is it so hard of me, if i was a boy to believe so?

The several disappointments that we face in life,
disappointments relating to God and christianity led us to think feel discouraged and think that many things are impossible to happen..
For me at least it seems that way..
I find it really difficult to believe in miracles even though i have heard testimonies and stories about others who experienced miracles from God...
Not everyone experiences miracles from God..you don see christians raising up from the dead daily, you don see miracle healing happening to every christian who trust and pray and have lots and lots of faith occuring...

The verse on faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains do not seem evident to me..
I do not doubt on what God can do...but more on whether God wants to do it or not..
Because of all these doubts, all the disppointments, all the unanswered prayers, we lose sight and faith on what God can actually do in our life.

For me personally, in the past and some periods of my life, i will be very enthusiastic about evangelism...
things like school evangelistic event or even street e, i will be willing to sacrifice time to go and do it..
but as the times i try passes me by and no one that i shared to are like interested to know about christ..
i find that no matter how much i try, how much i pray for my friends and family, it doesn't seem to work, they are like unmoved..

Not only that, i started to feel how incapable i am as i see so many other christians out there who can speak better and organise events who can bring so many people to christ, who can pray really impactful prayers, who can do lead, who can encourage and do so many so many things that i cannot...
I started to lose faith in what i can do...started to lose faith in what God can do with my life..
I cannot see what God has installed for me at all..what is see is myself being very incapable..


As i was singing this song, i realised that the main reason why the boy decided to surrender all the food that he have and decided to trust in Jesus to feed the thousands is because he saw Jesus...Jesus's kind face and twinkling eyes..

It is the same as us...
As long as we place our focus on Jesus and just look upon Him always, we can learn to trust and not get distracted by the other forces and things around us that pulls us down...
As long as we keep our focus on Jesus, giving Him all the glory with pure intentions, you will start to realise that he can use you to do amazing things...
You will see God using you to do things beyond your capabilities..
He will use your weakness to transform it and use it as your strength..


There is a story in the Bible (jesus walks on water)...

Matthew chap 14 verses 28 to 30, "Then Peter called out to Him, "Lord, if it's really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water. " "Yes, come," Jesus said. So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and waves, he was terrified and began to sink. "Save me, Lord!" he shouted."

what point am i trying to make here? I am trying to say that there was wind all around already, before peter even stepped on the water...why is it only that that certain point of time after he take a few steps then he saw the wind?

It was because his eyes was focused soely on Jesus when he took the first few steps...all his attention was on Jesus..all..

It is just like us. If we put all our attention on Jesus and placed him in focus and in the centre of everything, we will realise that we can actually do things that we can never expect ourselves to be doing..things that are out of our control but in God's control...everything around us will fall into place

If we start to get distracted by the things around us and our attention is not on God, we will realise tat we will start to sink...

Mother theresa once said, "The work will always be there, but if we do not rest and pray, we will not have the presence to do our work."

Place your attention and focus on God today! Because there is nothing more to life than Him.

God bless you^^

Who am i?

I was listening to this song online...it is called "who am i?"
Here is the song lyrics...


Who am I,
that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I,
that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm callingLord,
You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours,
I am Yours


Who Am I,
that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love,
and watch me rise again
Who Am I,
that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm callingLord,
You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours,
I am Yours


Not because of who I am
But because of what
You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow

A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm callingLord,
You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours,
I am Yours
I am Yours
I am Yours


Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear'
Cause I am Yours
I am Yours


This song really touched me..because i was reminded of this video that was being shown to me in school..
It was a video about this girl called terri who died from euthanasia.
What is euthanasia? it is when a suffering patient who lives on long term medication or machine for survival and asks for death..the family members have the right to ask the doctor to kill them also...like in cases whereby they are brain dead, vegetable or just suffering from stroke and stuff..


This girl named terri..
She was young,
She was pretty,
Guess what happened?
At the age of 26, dunno what happened, she suddenly collapsed onto the ground and due to the lack of oxygen to the brain for like 5 min, she suffered from brain damage.
she had to stay in the hospital for her whole life from then on...
She couldn't do anything by herself, she couldn't even talk..only make sounds...
after a few years, due to the financial situation of her family and her father finding another mistress, they no longer have the money to support her..
At the end, her father requested and asked the doctor to not give her food and water even though she wanted to live..

How do i know whether she wanted to live?
Her aunt asked her before..she made soft sounds in agreement and made louder sounds to allow
everyone else in the room to hear..
Despite all the protest for her euthanasia, the doctor went on with her father's wishes..
She died after 10 days without food and water..
Her heart burst due to the lack of water..


As i was listening to this song and looking at the lyrics,
i really agree to the fact that we are or rather, i am like a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow...
we will never know what life holds for us...
we will never know what is going to happen tmr...
and when something goes wrong, what are we going to hold on to?
the things of the earth? studies, wealth,fame, money, job, life-time partner?
Or are we going to hold on to something eternal? that is eternal life..
The decision lies on us today.
Our life span on earth is really very short..but life after death is eternal (infinity).
We cannot bring of the things on earth that we are chasing for and after we die..
make a choice before it is too late, life is so fragile.
What we decide today affects our future..
Don live life, just to die at the end of the day...
Live to live.


In 1 corinthians chap 9 verses 24 to 26, "Don't you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for eternal prize. So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing."
No matter how tired one may get for running this race,
No matter how we get distracted and get lazy and undisciplined,
always be reminded that we are running for the eternal prize..
and it is a prize that is not only given to 1, but to many who choose to run this race.


You know, i was very touched by the first verse of the song...
i am so so small, just 1 little human being in the billions, when i die, who will notice only? less then 1 percent of the population.
who am i?
that such a great and majestic God of all the earth will even care and bother more than anybody else bothers?
Who am i that deserve such great love and sacrifice?
i feel like an ant on the ground...so fragile and weak..that anytime i can be so easily killed and squished.
Since someone so big and great cares so much for us, especially the broken hearted and those who are finding hope, why don we just turn towards him?
He is just asking for what is on the inside...
He is just asking for our heart..
He wants to love us,
He wants to care for us,
He wants to listen,
He wants to be there for you,
He wants to provide hope
He just wants to clense us of our sins and provide a way out of the punishment of sin (eternal death in hell)
These are the many gifts that are free, just there and cannot be found in anyone besides Christ, why don we just take it by faith?
These are good things, things that we can build our trust and faith on...

Sometimes i am just amazed at how God manages to love everyone, every single person at the face of the earth, helping them, guiding them through all their problems...every single one of them..

Think about it, who are you?
Who am i?
Why will someone so great love someone so small?

BIBLE (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth)

God bless you^^

Songs

sorry for not putting up any post for a long long long long long long long...........infinity....time...
Cause i have been busy with school, studies and stuff...haiz..
anyways, today i wanna type something not very long...

It was about a week ago when i was like bathing and singing and worshipping God.
And not long after, this week when i went back to school some of my friends were singing christian songs..i felt very comforted..cause i don really see and get to hear them sing christian songs..
But at the same time, i felt in a way sad..
Why?
because they were singing for the sake of singing..

The main reason why i love to listen and to sing christian songs is that i find it different from other normal songs...
Ever since i became a christian, i realise that i cannot sing the christian songs, songs that worship God just like any other song..
which makes the christian songs that i sing unqiue and special..

What do i mean?
do you realise that other songs you cannot really meditate on it?
To me, for the other songs, i am not singing to anyone, i am just singing for the tune, singing for practice, singing just for the sake of singing..like an empty box.
we sing those songs, we don really need to bother about the lyrics..we don't even know what we are singing at times.
But, christian songs are different...there is a recieving end not just a giving end..
There is someone that you actually sing to and praise..there is someone actually listening..
we sing for the words...
and that someone is God.

When we worship and sing, we are actually launching a spiritual warfare to declare that satan has lost and God has won!
We are proclaiming His greatness and celebrating His victory^^
Because satan was the previous worship angel, he led worship and stuff in heaven last time, when we sing praises and worship God, we are actually telling satan that we can do better and have a better worship without him.

The way we sing songs determines how nice the song will be and what the song really mean.
Songs which is sang from the heart can be differentiated from those which are sang just for singing..
Because it is different.
Do you realise that good singers are those who sing the song using their heart and soul kind?
We determine how we want the songs to be potrayed out.
A song without the heart is very meaningless to me..

I want to encourage you all that when we sing songs that worship God, let us sing it with conviction and with the heart. lets not sing songs for the sake of singing, not like the other everyday songs that you sing, or just to follow and go along with others...lets sing whole heartedly for God because he really deserve it^^

Sing for God,
Sing for Life.

God bless you always!