Surrender

Sorry..haven been blogging..cause i have been very busy with school and stuff..
Sometime in this week i felt spiritually drained..
I dunno why but i felt this sense of emptiness in my heart and i couldn't really feel God talking to me anymore...
I do not feel the compassion for the people around me, i started to feel like this passion is not there...
I felt this need and yearning for more of God because i seemed to have lost Him..
I started to pray about discernment from His voice and mine and the many others..
I started to pray for God to speak to me like the past, through songs, friends and the Bible...
I realised that life without God even if it were just a short moment was not a good thing..and i really cannot live without Him..
And finally, today, God spoke alot of things to me..

I have been asking questions on surrendering and placing everything to His control..
Have you ever asked questions as to how to surrender?
What it means whenever you say you surrender everything to God?
i mean like you can say you surrender everything and put everything into His control but still worry about it..eg. exams..
So how exactly do you know that you are surrendering?
By feelings?
How can you tell how much you are actually surrendering to God?

I have been praying about it for a week and...
As i was listening to the song "completely" this morn on the way to school for exams, there was this line that i heard was so distinctively different from the rest...the line was, "take my heart, take my soul, i surrender everything to your control..."
God spoke to me and i realised that surrender really depends on how much trust you put in that person..
And when you surrender, you will really rejoice in any outcome as you know that God is always in control...
Whether good or bad results and outcome, you will rejoice in Him..
And only when you do that, you can say that you have surrendered everything to His control...
So i would like to encourage you all that no matter what may happen in life, no matter what situations, problems and circumstances that you are currently facing now, learn to surrender...it is not easy but only when you learn to do that, you can truely walk in the will of God..
What i know is that the characters in the Bible like paul and many others, they chose to rejoice even at the worst circumstance. They chose to sing praises to God even though they were going to get persecuted..
So, ultimately it depends on the choice you make^^

Another incident was also on the bus this morn..
I was listening to christian songs as usual and the volume was like just right, not too loud and not to soft..
Then there was this guy that sat next to me...
He had his earpiece on..
and the amazing thing was tat i can hear his music loud and clear!! and every single bit, every single tune..
so it is like his music is so loud that it can penetrate through his ear piece, through the air and through my ear piece into my ear!
amazing right? i was kinda amazed also...
And suddenly, it dawned upon me that this is especially true in the real world..

I dunno why but last sat when i went for the church's revival service, i really didn't want to go back to school cause i know i will face the many challenges and temptations once again from the people that i come into contact with in school..
I really just hope i can remain safe in the church forever..
I started to realise that when we are alone, we are like listening to christian music by ourselves like at home or in a quiet place..it is loud and clear..
But once we step out into the world, all these music is interupted and mixed with many other sounds and the words of the music becomes blurred and almost inaudible..
It is just like how we as christians try and struggle to live our lives as children of God when others are not..
Sometimes, it is just very hard to stay on focus and keep yourself in track, you seem to tend to fall into sin unknowingly and so easily..
Not easy for me too..
But i always try my best, tempted to do what others are doing and sinning and at the same time trying to focus on the question on "what would Jesus do" in every situation is not easy..
But as long as we try and pray, the Holy spirit will lend us a helping hand and give us an extra push..
I would just like to encourage those who try so hard but seem to fall back into sin and the ways of this world..
Just keep praying, just keep pressing on and seek for revival from God every single day.
It is not easy, but remember that what you are facing, Jesus faced the same or even greater amounts of temptations..
What you are facing is also faced by many other christians out there!
Jia you! just keep your faith in God and He can do wonders..
Learn to surrender.

God loves you!

Here today, gone tmr

Do you rmb the "who am i song" that i was sharing like a few post before?
Today i was singing it when i am bathing..
And i felt a sense sadness and it was kind of depressing..

I would like to focus on the first 2 lines of the song chorus, "I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow."

I am reminded again of how fragile life really is and how many are focusing on what can they gain from this earth...
I started to think of my studies...
Sure, many will say, studies is very important! cause you can get a good degree, then go university, then can get a good job, good pay, good life!
But is that what life is really all about?
Yes i agree that studies can help me gain survival and a easier life in future...
But besides wealth riches and all the material stuff, what else can we take or gain?
I can be the cleverest, smartest or even the riches person on the face of the earth, but is there anything beyond this that i can take?
so what if i got all these?
I realised that there is nothing to all these things..at the end of the day, all these things will mean nothing...
Nothing much will come out of it..
Thats why i cannot understand what the people are chasing it for..

Anws, i was also reminded about the story that kenneth (my regional leader) said today..
He told us about his friend's friend.
She committed suicide just recently..
Guess what, she is sec 2 (14 years of age)
She jumped down from the 4th story and didn't die immediately..
It was when she was sent to the hospital, on the way, she died of internal bleeding..

And kenneth's friend had been feeling very guilty about this matter because she didn't tell her about christ at all and she didn't know that she was facing problems.
She really regretted alot..

Someone gave a comment when the story was heard..."Huh? sec 2 only leh...how much suffering she have to go through? why is there a need to end her life?"

I started to think about the comment when i came home..
It is because that person has lost hope...
She has lost purpose in her life...even at such a young age..
She couldn't find anything on this worth on this earth that is worth living for..

you know, i ever felt that way before...
I will wake up in the morn and prepare for school and think about what am i doing all these for..

The reason why i am writing this is that i really want to encourage you all to keep this flame for God burning
Keep the passion of saving and sharing about God's word to the others burning always...
It may be difficult at times, fear may overwealm you and stop you..
Disappointments from all the rejections of your friends and family members may cause you to stumble and lose faith...thinking that it is kind of impossible and you have to wait for a long long time..
You may also think that someone else will do it for you...someone else will share the gospel in your place..

No matter what the reason may be, just remember that you will never know what is going to happen to the people around you..
You will never know when they will die, what they are facing and stuff...
When you share the gospel, you are actually providing hope to the person in despair and helplessness..
Don wait until it is too late...do it today...
But always rmb to pray and ask God to use the holy spirit to say what God wants to say to the people around you..because God always wants to save them more than you want them to be saved...
Lastly, learn to be patient...God has his perfect timing for them..
YOU can be one of the little chains that joins up and save the people around you...

God loves you always

Have? Don have?

I went to the hospital today and i felt that God spoke alot of things to me through the holy spirit..
You must be wondering why i went to the hospital (SGH) rite?
My grandma is really really sick..she got kidney failure and she did an operation on her neck area to stick 2 thick needles into her neck for blood washing, she cannot walk, she cannot control her pee, she cannot swallow properly then the water that she can drink have to be thicken by adding some powder thingy to prevent choking...and stuff..it is really very cham one..
Pray for her k!

Anws, my emphaize today is about my trip there^^
There is this maid that attended to her like almost 24 hours (the maid is last time from my uncle's house de) because my grandma was like very scared..she don want to be left alone..
When i went there for the first time today, the room was without aircon and i talked to my grandma and the maid..then when my grandma fell asleep, i talked and laugh with the maid..

As i see how the maid take care of my grandma, i started to realise that it wasn't easy...
Cause when the maid go off for a short while, my grandma wanted to puke and stuff..even i have difficulty trying to help her..
I think people like my grandma and many other grandma's in the ward requires alot of patience to be taken care of..
Every single action that my grandma do, auntie budi(the maid) will take note..even when my grandma speak very very softly in hokkien, budi will still be able to hear and she will immediately attend to her with a cheerful heart...
it ranges from taking the tissue, wanting to turn the body to sleep, wanting to adjust the bed up and down, wanting to place the pillow in a certain direction, wanting to vomit...etc.
budi also do not even have a nice bed to sleep at night, every single night...she could only sleep on the chair...but she always attend to her happily and really go all the way out for her, even when she wants to sleep..
It is like my grandma will wake up anytime and budi must be there to help.
And whenever my grandma want to eat sweet stuff, budi will say, "Don't eat" in hokkien..and my grandma will insist and of course at the end budi gave her alittle..
Because of that, she vomited...

Sometimes i look at her, and i really admire her for the things she has done.
Think about it, she has no blood relationship with my grandma and she has to do all these, i really don understand how happy can she feel...but still, she do it will love...
At my grandma's most helpless and vulnerable state, she is there to lend a helping hand..

As a look at my grandma's back view when she is sleeping, i realised that she is just like a child that needs to be attended and supported alot as it grows..

I started to think about God's love..
i think God's love is just like how budi cared and loved my grandma..
Always taking care very sincerely and always there whenever people call out to Him..
Every single time we call for help, He has always been there helping and just being side by side with us, walking through the problems or situations that we are facing with us...
He is always carrying us on his back.
Everytime we want to do certain things (like how my grandma wanted to eat sweet stuff), God will be there to stop and correct us with love and the intention that he wants to give us the best and what is good for us...and if we do not listen and still want to do it, he will not forcefully stop us, but to help us to learn and to stand up on our own feet with his help, after we suffer the consequences even though it may hurt him to see us suffer...
Even for those who are not children of God yet, those who are unsaved, God still provides for them, God still give them the many blessings..whether it is in material terms or people around them who cares for them...etc.

I ever read this book, and it talks about God giving us a taste of abit of heaven and abit of hell on earth...so there is good and evil (suffering) on earth until we die..
So it is up to us to make a decision as to what kind of life we want to lead and choose in our afterlife..
And i feel that it is quite amazing as to how many always choose hell in a way..
Alot of times they know that doing something is wrong but they still do it anyways...

I started to shift my view towards the bed next to my grandma's.
That patient is also another grandma..and she have a huge thick tube stuck to her neck and is connected to some machine..
i heard from my brother, who heard from budi that she also have a huge tube-like thingy stuck to her stomach..
That means, she got a hole at her neck and stomach..
and it is only through those holes that she can then breathe and eat because her body could no longer do that for her..

Just breathing and eating, such basic tasks of a human body, she cannot even do and have so so much difficulty doing it..

I started to think about the question on, "Are we taking our lives for granted?"
We always think about the things that we don have, then always say, "i hope, i wish this this this will happen/ i wish, i am born pretty/ i wish i didn't have to live/ i wish my family wasn't like that..etc" All these hopes and wishes shows us that we are focusing on the things that we don't have that are beyond our control..
And as we focus on the things we don't have, we will tend to neglect and forget about the things that we actually do have...
People out there are trying their best to survive..
People like the grandma, she cannot even breathe and eat!
Shouldn't we appreciate and treasure the fact that we are healthy? the fact that we are able to breathe...etc.
For everything in your everyday life, there is something to thank God about..
for the grandma, she can be thankful to the fact that she is living in singapore and have the technology to help her...at least she got a bed to sleep on, at least she got hands and legs, at least she still has a God that loves her..
It depends on how you view things in the many situations that you are facing..

If we keep on focusing on the things that we don't have, we will be a very very unhappy and uncontented person..
Just rmb that there will always be someone worst than you in everything that you face, you will feel that you are really already very blessed by God.

Learn to treasure what you have today! especially on the things or people that you have difficulty loving and treasuring.

God loves you more than you can expect!

Our focus

I was singing and bathing at the same time last week...
I was reminded of the song, "five loaves and two fishes" by Corrinne May...
As i sang, i started to realise somethings...
Here is the lyrics of the song...



A little boy of thirteen was on his way to school
He heard a crowd of people laughing and he went to take a look
Thousands were listening to the stories of one man
He spoke with such wisdom, even the kids could understand
The hours passed so quickly, the day turned to night
Everyone was hungry but there was no food in sight
The boy looked in his lunchbox at the little that he had
He wasn't sure what good it'd do, there were thousands to be fed
But he saw the twinkling eyes of Jesus
The kindness in His smile
And the boy cried out
With the trust of a child

He said:"Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and my inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all to feed them all

"I often think about that boy when I'm feeling small
And I worry that the work I do means nothing at all
But every single tear I cry is a diamond in His hands
And every door that slams in my face, I will offer up in prayer
So I'll give you every breath that I have
Oh Lord, you can work miracles
All that you need is my "Amen"

So take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you willI surrender
Take my fears and my inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
I hope it's not too small
I trust in you
I trust in you

So take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will I surrender
Take my fears and my inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
No gift is too small

You see all the bolded words?
These are the things that i am going to focus on today..

Just imagine yourself as the boy...when you look at what you have in the lunchbox, it is so so little, how can it be possible for food that is not enough for even one adult to consume to feed thousands?
why is it so hard of me, if i was a boy to believe so?

The several disappointments that we face in life,
disappointments relating to God and christianity led us to think feel discouraged and think that many things are impossible to happen..
For me at least it seems that way..
I find it really difficult to believe in miracles even though i have heard testimonies and stories about others who experienced miracles from God...
Not everyone experiences miracles from God..you don see christians raising up from the dead daily, you don see miracle healing happening to every christian who trust and pray and have lots and lots of faith occuring...

The verse on faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains do not seem evident to me..
I do not doubt on what God can do...but more on whether God wants to do it or not..
Because of all these doubts, all the disppointments, all the unanswered prayers, we lose sight and faith on what God can actually do in our life.

For me personally, in the past and some periods of my life, i will be very enthusiastic about evangelism...
things like school evangelistic event or even street e, i will be willing to sacrifice time to go and do it..
but as the times i try passes me by and no one that i shared to are like interested to know about christ..
i find that no matter how much i try, how much i pray for my friends and family, it doesn't seem to work, they are like unmoved..

Not only that, i started to feel how incapable i am as i see so many other christians out there who can speak better and organise events who can bring so many people to christ, who can pray really impactful prayers, who can do lead, who can encourage and do so many so many things that i cannot...
I started to lose faith in what i can do...started to lose faith in what God can do with my life..
I cannot see what God has installed for me at all..what is see is myself being very incapable..


As i was singing this song, i realised that the main reason why the boy decided to surrender all the food that he have and decided to trust in Jesus to feed the thousands is because he saw Jesus...Jesus's kind face and twinkling eyes..

It is the same as us...
As long as we place our focus on Jesus and just look upon Him always, we can learn to trust and not get distracted by the other forces and things around us that pulls us down...
As long as we keep our focus on Jesus, giving Him all the glory with pure intentions, you will start to realise that he can use you to do amazing things...
You will see God using you to do things beyond your capabilities..
He will use your weakness to transform it and use it as your strength..


There is a story in the Bible (jesus walks on water)...

Matthew chap 14 verses 28 to 30, "Then Peter called out to Him, "Lord, if it's really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water. " "Yes, come," Jesus said. So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and waves, he was terrified and began to sink. "Save me, Lord!" he shouted."

what point am i trying to make here? I am trying to say that there was wind all around already, before peter even stepped on the water...why is it only that that certain point of time after he take a few steps then he saw the wind?

It was because his eyes was focused soely on Jesus when he took the first few steps...all his attention was on Jesus..all..

It is just like us. If we put all our attention on Jesus and placed him in focus and in the centre of everything, we will realise that we can actually do things that we can never expect ourselves to be doing..things that are out of our control but in God's control...everything around us will fall into place

If we start to get distracted by the things around us and our attention is not on God, we will realise tat we will start to sink...

Mother theresa once said, "The work will always be there, but if we do not rest and pray, we will not have the presence to do our work."

Place your attention and focus on God today! Because there is nothing more to life than Him.

God bless you^^

Who am i?

I was listening to this song online...it is called "who am i?"
Here is the song lyrics...


Who am I,
that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I,
that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm callingLord,
You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours,
I am Yours


Who Am I,
that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love,
and watch me rise again
Who Am I,
that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm callingLord,
You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours,
I am Yours


Not because of who I am
But because of what
You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow

A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm callingLord,
You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours,
I am Yours
I am Yours
I am Yours


Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear'
Cause I am Yours
I am Yours


This song really touched me..because i was reminded of this video that was being shown to me in school..
It was a video about this girl called terri who died from euthanasia.
What is euthanasia? it is when a suffering patient who lives on long term medication or machine for survival and asks for death..the family members have the right to ask the doctor to kill them also...like in cases whereby they are brain dead, vegetable or just suffering from stroke and stuff..


This girl named terri..
She was young,
She was pretty,
Guess what happened?
At the age of 26, dunno what happened, she suddenly collapsed onto the ground and due to the lack of oxygen to the brain for like 5 min, she suffered from brain damage.
she had to stay in the hospital for her whole life from then on...
She couldn't do anything by herself, she couldn't even talk..only make sounds...
after a few years, due to the financial situation of her family and her father finding another mistress, they no longer have the money to support her..
At the end, her father requested and asked the doctor to not give her food and water even though she wanted to live..

How do i know whether she wanted to live?
Her aunt asked her before..she made soft sounds in agreement and made louder sounds to allow
everyone else in the room to hear..
Despite all the protest for her euthanasia, the doctor went on with her father's wishes..
She died after 10 days without food and water..
Her heart burst due to the lack of water..


As i was listening to this song and looking at the lyrics,
i really agree to the fact that we are or rather, i am like a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow...
we will never know what life holds for us...
we will never know what is going to happen tmr...
and when something goes wrong, what are we going to hold on to?
the things of the earth? studies, wealth,fame, money, job, life-time partner?
Or are we going to hold on to something eternal? that is eternal life..
The decision lies on us today.
Our life span on earth is really very short..but life after death is eternal (infinity).
We cannot bring of the things on earth that we are chasing for and after we die..
make a choice before it is too late, life is so fragile.
What we decide today affects our future..
Don live life, just to die at the end of the day...
Live to live.


In 1 corinthians chap 9 verses 24 to 26, "Don't you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for eternal prize. So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing."
No matter how tired one may get for running this race,
No matter how we get distracted and get lazy and undisciplined,
always be reminded that we are running for the eternal prize..
and it is a prize that is not only given to 1, but to many who choose to run this race.


You know, i was very touched by the first verse of the song...
i am so so small, just 1 little human being in the billions, when i die, who will notice only? less then 1 percent of the population.
who am i?
that such a great and majestic God of all the earth will even care and bother more than anybody else bothers?
Who am i that deserve such great love and sacrifice?
i feel like an ant on the ground...so fragile and weak..that anytime i can be so easily killed and squished.
Since someone so big and great cares so much for us, especially the broken hearted and those who are finding hope, why don we just turn towards him?
He is just asking for what is on the inside...
He is just asking for our heart..
He wants to love us,
He wants to care for us,
He wants to listen,
He wants to be there for you,
He wants to provide hope
He just wants to clense us of our sins and provide a way out of the punishment of sin (eternal death in hell)
These are the many gifts that are free, just there and cannot be found in anyone besides Christ, why don we just take it by faith?
These are good things, things that we can build our trust and faith on...

Sometimes i am just amazed at how God manages to love everyone, every single person at the face of the earth, helping them, guiding them through all their problems...every single one of them..

Think about it, who are you?
Who am i?
Why will someone so great love someone so small?

BIBLE (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth)

God bless you^^