A run amongst the terrace houses

I never liked running...
I find it mentally and physically draining..
I like to do all kinds of sports besides running.
But i realised that sometimes i need to do so...
running is one of the only sports that one can do alone.
I run whenever i feel upset about something and i really needed to release it out..

This has been the second time in my life that i ran...alone.
Why? i just felt really upset, frustrated and confused with my feelings..
As i was running today, i was searching for something, a sign, anything from God.
I just needed a word of comfort from Him.
I wanted Him to speak to me.

I searched really hard, running uphill, down hill, looking up at the sky and everything..only to hear fierce dogs barking at me..
I reached a deserted playground and i sat on the swing, breathless, trying to catch my breath and tasting what i had enjoyed in the past when i was a little girl and the current me.

Going back to a few days ago, i was at my house downstairs waiting for the lift to arrive.
I saw 2 maids and 3 children.
One of the little tiny boy was really very very cute.
he just give the innocent smile and by the shirt he was wearing, he was from "apple tree" a nursery.
There were 2 other girls beside him..they were sitting on a table.

I started to think when i entered the lift, how beautiful the world is to this little boy..
everywhere is just filled with raindows and lots of fun!
Why is it that as we grow, we start to see a world of bleakness?
Why is it that as we grow, our "rainbow world" starts to fade away?
Is it due to human complexity or the so called maturity?
"can innocence and complexity coexist?"
i think they can.
Because it depends very much on how one thinks.
It is just like the little boy and adults. they all live in the same world and see the same things...but they in a way "see" the things differently too..
Thats why i love kids. I love their innocence and happiness which also affects how others around feel. i wanna be like them.

Coming back to the running part.
As i was swinging on the swing and looking at the scenery around me, i realised that if i stretched out my legs straight, the swing will continue to swing back and forth.
The only thing is that i have to make the effort and perservere putting my legs straight for a long period of time.
And finally, i got too tired, i dropped my legs and soon after, the swing stopped moving.
I started to think (i dunno whether it is from the Holy Spirit or not) but i start to relate it to church.
If i continue to perservere on just like me keeping my legs straight, the swing will continue to swing. But if i choose to give up just like that, there will be no chance of it moving anymore, just like my spiritual walk with God.
the message here is, don't give up..don't give up nicole.

I stood up from the swing and turned around, i saw 2 very old couple exercising together..they were like smiling and stuff..i think they are like in their 80s already with pure white hair..
It really comforted me because it showed me that there is actually hope in marriages..
Why i think that way?
I think it is because what i see in this world today is broken marriages of all religions..
divorse rates shooting high up.

There was something else that noticed.
It was the London kind of the telephone booth! (the red one)
i thought there was a phone in there...
As i walk towards it excitedly, and peeked into it, what i saw was nothing.
then i walked away and started running again..
when i ran up the hill, i saw another of the same thing like amongst the houses..
i was very happy at first.
But when i peeked into it, i saw nothing again.
the message that i thought of is, "what appears to be, may not be what it is."
and i thought about other churches this time.
No matter how good i think the other churches are, it may not be what i think it is.

It has been a very interesting run as long as you go with an open heart and mind, searching for stuff to look into and think about, God speaks. (you just got to know how to desifer them)^^

God bless you guys.

A story

Hey hey...i know that it has really been a super long time since i ever posted a post and i guess maybe this blog is like forgotten already..haha.

Many things have happened and i don reall wish to talk about it..too complicated to type it out..

The reason why i wanted to blog today is that i wanted to share with you all a little story that i read from "chicken soup for the christian soul 2" a book that i borrowed from the library and leng shan introduced it to me de.

This story struck me when i was doing my qt and prayed for God to speak to me..and i randomly flipped a page..and this was the story: "IN GOOD HANDS"

"The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanted anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." 2 Peter 3:9

The phone rang early. Hal, my husband, answered it before it rang again.

"Yes?" he said. "Oh...i see." By the tone of his voice i knew it was the phone call we'd expected and dreaded.

We'd watched Hal's father. Harold, grow weaker since his heart attack in January. Dad's bypass surgery eight years earlier had given us far more than the five years doctors had promised. Then Dad experienced several smaller heart attacks. His lungs began filling with fluid. Doctors had reached the end of what they could do for him in the hospital and transferred him to an extended care facility.

With his needs beyond what care we could give and because he lived an hour and a half away, the most we could do was visit him as often as possible. Since we couldn't help him physically, the best care we could give was to care for his soul.

Hal and I had become Christians 15 years earlier, and we wanted to share our faith with his family. His mother, Grace, had taken Hal and his brothers to church when they were young, but his father never went. Grace quit attending after Dad's first heart attack. Did she stay home to make sure Dad was okay after his quaduple bypass? Or had his heart attack shaken her faith? I didn't know.

'Give us an opportunity to tell Dad about you, I prayed to Jesus. He must decide whether he will take you as his Saviour, but please don't let him die without a clear opportunity to respond to you.' I had prayed similar prayers for years, but when Dad became sick my urgency increased.

Hal hang up the phone. "Dad died at 3.30 this morn."

'Lord,' i prayed silently, 'did he have the opportunity i asked for?'

Hal and I had both looked for that opportunity to tell Dad about Jesus, but we saw none. With each visit, Dad seemed less willing to talk to us at all. He just stared at the tv. When we tried to start a convo, he pressed the "up" button on the volume control. The more we tried, the more he increased the volume. The urgency i felt inside increased as well.

We asked a hospital chaplain to visit Dad. He did. We asked our pastor to visit. He made the trip. A pastor from Mom's church visited too, but the result was always the same. Up, up went the volume on the TV. I didn't know what else to do but pray.

And now Dad was gone.

According to my fauth, those who accept Jesus christ as saviour are ensured an eternity in heaven with Him. However, those who refuse this gift of salvation spend eternity seperated from God. I still hoped somehow God had answered my prayer and had helped Dad understand, but had He? I didn't know...

We buried Dad in the veteran of the World war 2 herself, made her own final arrangements at the same time but non of us knew how soon she would need them.

The week after Dad's funeral, she started showing signs of illness. One day, a neighbour found her on the floor, incoherent. Doctors diagnosed Mom with a cancerous tumor in her stomach plus lymphoma.
She was hospitalised and we resumed the endless trips to visit.

Mom was too weak to live alone, and her sons discussed their options, each offering to care for her.
But it became clear her needs exceeded what any of us could give. The best we could do as her caregivers was to let professionals help.
She moved into an extended care facility. The chemo began having small strokes, then a major stroke. And there we were, the week of Christmas, laying Grace to rest beside her husband.
We invited everyone to gather at our home that Christmas. As we quietly celebrated the birth of Jesus, I not only wondered about Harold, I also wondered if Grace had a true understanding of Jesus Christ. How I wished I knew.

The new year dawned, and we all felt emotionally and physically drained.
Nevertheless, the work of dealing with Harold and Grace's estate lay before us.
Each of us sorted, separated, donated, gave away or sold their belongings. We fixed up their home for sale, painting inside and out.
Finally, 6 months later, Hal and I set the few remaining items in the driveway for one last garage sale.

Neighbors, Christine and Alfonso, stopped by.
"you know, we visited your dad in the nursing home," Alfonso told us.
"No, we didn't know that," Hal said.
"one afternoon i told Christine, 'We need to go see Harold.' We went right then. When i walked into his room," Alfonso said," his face lit up! He was so happy to see us. So i just started telling him about Jesus."
"Really?" Hal asked, glancing at me.
"your dad said he wasn't ready to go," Alfonso said."I told him, 'I'm not saying that you're going to die, but we all need to be ready.' I explained to him about Jesus and then asked if he'd like to ask Jesus to be his Saviour. He began to weep and said yes, so i led him in a prayer."

"We had no idea! when did this happen?" I asked, incredulously.
"Well," Alfonso thought for a moment, "he died early the next morning."
"I prayed with your mother too." christine added.
"When the ambulance came for your dad, i stayed with her. I asked her if she was sure she'd go to heaven when she died and she said no, so i prayed with her so she could be sure."

"Your parents are in heaven," Alfonso declared.
I know.

Thats the end of this story...
And i really do hope that you will get touched by this story and just continue to pray for those who are unsaved..
You will never know, maybe right before they die, they will get saved?
Maybe God will send one of His servants to share with them about the gospel?

What i learnt is, only until the day they die, there is still hope.

God bless you always ^^

Love for the lost

I just wanna share with you how God spoke to me in my times of despair and it is really just amazing..and i think what i am going to share today will be applicable to everyone...so read on k! If you all really very lazy then just read the blue coloured words^^

This whole week of school is really hectic because i experienced the things that i didn't experience before..
Those of you who have my msn, i ever typed this on my personal message, "i am losing something that i had before..."
And that something is COMPASSION and LOVE for the people.

I have no idea why, but i seem to have lost this love for the people and the desire to want them to get saved and it became very real to me last week till this week. (Starting from mon it became worst)
My ability to love my classmates and the push to sharing the gospel and be sensitive to the spirit, trying to grasp every opportunity that i have to share the gospel and just really have this burden for their salvation in my heart. To feel what God feels, to grieve for what God grieves for..
Thoughts like "ai ya..i try so hard already, they all already know the gospel, no point in repeating the same old thing."
I seem to be comprimising to them and do not really emphasize so much on the words and language they use.
My passion for God and doing the work for God just subsided because i felt so discouraged.
I felt as though i try so so hard but i don see God moving at all..i don see the changes, i just don't see even a slightest bit if change...
I start to interceed in prayer for my father, extended family and friends for the sake of interceeding but the hope and conviction that they are going to saved when i pray disappeared though time..

The amazing thing was that, it was only this mon that i brought it up and told the rest in the prayer group in CJ morn meetings and fasting from break periods because i felt like there is a need to share...
They gave me the usual encouragements and stuff..i agree to what they say..but there was not much of a change actually..
Also, I realised that there are so many other christians out there, in churches who do not love nor feel the burden at all...and I felt really sad and helpless as i dunno how to help and support them...
God spoke to me through the 40 day fasting booklet because this whole week was basically talking about being intercessors and showing how jeremiah suffered for God and about just telling and proclaiming God's word to the world. And everyday, God will just speak to me through christian friends and His word..

And today, CJ prayer group did campus evangelism.

At first i really didn't feel like going...but i was reminded of the song i sang in the morn during the prayer group session. It is called "For the Lost" i think and the first stanza goes "In prayer we will seek your will. As we turn from sin. And though it cost us much, We'll give you all we've got. For the fields are white for harvest, Souls to be won for Jesus."

Because of that, i went ahead.

Summarising the things that happened as i went forth to the canteen with people from the prayer group 2-3 people, i just got really angry and pissed off..

Out of the 2 hours of campus e, we used the 1 hour to evangelise to a total of 4 people (2 claim to be christians) and for the other 1 hour the 2 other people whom i went with, try to comfort, encourage and calm me down. They really spoke their mind and told me straight that i shouldn't get angry with them and stuff..

The reason why i got so angry was because the christians claim themselves to be christians, but when i invited them for prayer group they didn't want to come..cause they say too busy and stuff..everyone that we shared to kept on asking us intellectual questions..questions like, "how do you know that your God is real? How do you know that your God is the real and true God when there are like so many other God's around? Who knows? maybe Ala is the real one lei? it is just your own personal belief. Maybe all the historical proof are fake? it is just blind faith!"

I get so so heated up, i really wanted to start a debate on it..i really wanted to show them that the Bible can actually be proven to be right. But at the end, thank God my other prayer group members stopped me in time..

Then i went for cell at night..and we went for some "light up" prayer and service meeting thing organised by hwa chong every year and it was held at bukit timah shopping centre...

I didn't know what it really was so i just went ahead with the other cell people..

And this is the thingy that i wanted to encourage you all with..it was the sermon that i heard and God really spoke to me personally through it.

It was about "The Great Commission" = matthew chap 28 verse 19. "Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptising them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit."

Especially in JCs and polys, there will be many who will try to prove that God does not exist, there will be many that try to beat us christians up intellectually..

And for me, i will usually be the one who try to convince them, reason with them and try to win their arguments and debates about God.

But actually ALL that we need is to love them and bless them.

There was this blessings campaign going around where by, people will go up to random strangers to pray for them just to show them that God loves and cares for them.

And the pastor shared that there was this engineering guy, he held on to the notion that he is the pastor of his workplace and thus went to pray for 1 colleage a day.. and by the end of the campaign, there were 14 colleages queuing up and asking him to pray for them and some even converted to christians..

If we use the intellectual stuff to convince them and argue with them, it is just like taking the Bible and hitting them on the head, making them not wanting to talk to you again, about God especially..so what if you win the argument? They wanna argue because they cannot see. They cannot see the God that you claim to have..they cannot see the things that are said in the Bible.

By loving and blessing them and when they experience God's love and stuff, they can see the real things happening..not only in their lives, but yours.

They are looking at how you present yourself as a christian, a child of God.

Are you willing to offer yourselves to show others that you care?

Offer yourselves to show others that God loves them?

Will you be the first to pray for them with they face certain problems in school, be it studies or falling sick? If you ask them whether they want you to pray for them, and they feel very uncertain, can just say, "you got nothing to lose what, if it works then good for you..if it doesn't work, it isn't going to cost you anything mah." But if they don't want then you don push it on further ler..

Will they feel comfortable confiding in you?

How about all the other people that are considered the outcast? People that drink or smoke? People that join gangs and take drugs?

Many will say, "oh...i don want to go and talk and mix with them, i want to maintain my holiness lvl."

But think about it, if you don't do it, who will? the other non-christians?

One of the difficulties that we face while sharing the gospel in school is that when we try to invite people to go to church, they always don't want to go.

So instead of bringing the people to church, you can bring the church to the school.

Some people will really go all out and to large extents just to evangelise. But actually when you can do is just right in front of you. We are called to love and bless people.

Always ask yourself, what makes me so different by the way we live our lives from the rest of the people?

Is it just a name?

The love of Jesus Christ goes beyond theology or whether your friend can speak tongues.

Someone once said, "if you really have experience with Jesus christ, how can you not share it?" cause it should be something real amazing and outpouring.

Prayer is really important.

God gives us something called prayer so that our prayers can move the heavens and touch God.

1 Peter chap 2 verse 9, "But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God's very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light."

We are called to be pastors in our school, our homes and even in our workplace.

As long as we pray and seek God, we are able to change the whole spiritual atmosphere in school/ workplace. Lets have unity in Christ. Let us take courage to be different. (in a Christ-like way)

As long as you are sincere and true to yourself about what you really want God to change you or to help you, God will speak. Just like how God speaks to me, as you yearn, wait and be sensitive, God will speak and transform you today^^

There is a verse that i want to share..1 Peter chap 3 verse 1 "....Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives."

God loves and never rejects your sincere heart.

A trip to the beach

Have you ever thought about how amazing is that someone who created so many things that you see on earth?
The trees,
the ocean, the many different colours and variety of animals and plants?
Ain't they unique?

Today i wanna talk about a trip to sentosa...
I went there with ah gong (zhong han), leng shan, ling zhi, david choo and jasmine.
We were supposed to watch some jazz musical thingy..but at the end, i wasn't very interested and ah gong, ls and i went to walk at the beach..
It was quite late like 9 plus and we just layed on the beach and look at the sky, sea, stars and to feel the wind and hear the ocean...
I think it really feels great to get intuned with nature..
Just amazing.

It was my first time lying on the sand bed.
I grabbed the sand and i thought about where it came from..it came from disintegrated rocks from all around singapore and many other countries..
I thought about how we are like the sand..the world consists of many thousand, millions, billions, trillions of people since the beginning of time..
And each grain of sand represents each of us..
All of us are unique and special just like how no two grains of sand are the same.
we are like so puni and insignificant just like, who will take notice of a single grain of sand right?
cause it is like 1 grain of you amongst the so many other people out there..
Thats why i really thank God cause even God, the greatest and most significant being of all cares about this grain of sand and He loves us without any condition..
He loves us just because we are a grain of sand..it is that simple and it depends on us whether we want to accept this love..because no relationship can be established if it is only a one way thing.

I started to think about death..
Ask you, how many of you will actually look at the newspaper page of who died and stuff?
everyday, someone dies...but who will actually care?
Maybe the person's family la...but that is all right?
But there is a God out there who cares about every single soul and He cares even more about where are we going to spend our eternal lives in.
Thats why He chose to suffer and die for us.

I think alot of us get so so caught up with life that we forgot and miss out on some of the things in life..
We miss out on how to appreciate nature and nature itself.
The things we have to do are like always there like forever..it is never ending!
Only when we learn to take sometime out to enjoy and appreciate the fundamentals around us and not get so caught up with wanting and chasing life itself, will we get to enjoy simple joys.
Zhong Han added on to my thought.
he said that he will never forget to enjoy nature because he love nature and it is already part of him..
I believe it is the same as our christian walk and out relationship with God.
We always sing songs praising God and declaring that we love Him and stuff..
But as Zhong Han says..if we love something, we will take it as part of us and we will always no matter how busy we are, find time to appreciate Him and to talk to Him, seek His opinion and stuff..because He is part of us if we are truely His children...

I believe that all these things that we usually forget are things and experiences are we always miss out. And usually they are the most valuable ones.
So take some time out just appreciate the simple and most fundamental things in life today!

God loves you!

TRANSFORMERS

Have you watched transformers 2, the movie?
I thought that it was not a bad show and i asked like quite a few ppl!
some said it was worth watching, some said it was boring, some said it was too long...etc..
But there was something that the male lead said and i got really inspired^^

You know the ending part whereby the guy went to the location of his brain signals at the pyramid there...
Then rite, he saw the key amongst all the robots?
The key to save optimus prime?
He found hope and when he took it, it turned into dust because it had been there for such a long long time..
The people who followed him there, they all said it was over and gave up..
But he collected the dust in his socks.
The rest asked him what he was doing and why he had to do collect these dust cause it is like of no use anymore..
He said, "because i believe." "there must be a reason for us coming here, there must be a reason for everything that had happened!"

After he said that, i was reminded of one particular friend..
She said that she do not believe in prayers because i tried to pray for her in her times of despair and she told me it doesn't work at all..
i was kinda shocked..because i thought like in times of helplessness and despair, these are times whereby ppl turn towards God.
She is like those ppl that followed the guy in transformers to the place..they lost hope.

But i believe that everything begins with one word. "BELIEVE"
just like the transformer guy.
It is because he first believed that he saved the entire world from the bad robots..

I believe it is the same regarding our faith in God..
It really all begins with a believe that brings us closer..
it all begins with a believe that miracles can actually occur..
it all begins with a believe that prayer works thats why we pray..
it all begins with a believe that God exist in the first place^^
And i am sure the ending for us will be much better than the transformer's ending.

So think about what you really believe in today!
And hold strong to this believe.
Because only when you believe, the unbelievable can happen.

God loves you

God loves FOREVER!

Hey ppl!! yesterday and today i went for church and i sang the song, "Forever"
I didn't really like the song..dunno why..and ths caused me to focus on it even more today..
the song has a line that is repeated over and over again..."His love endures forever.."
Today, i wanna focus on the word "forever"

How many of you have experienced and know that people around you who loves you are willing to die for you?
And i mean really die for you?
Or, are you willing to die for someone?
I think for me personally, it is a very tough and difficult decision to make..and one must really really LOVE that person before he/she can die for him/her.
And this LOVE have to exceed and go beyond the LOVE for oneself..which goes against the selfish human nature.

Things change, people change, scenery change, your environment change...etc.
They grow and die as the day passes..
Nothing is everlasting, don't you think?
There is nothing on this earth that lasts forever and is stagnant.

As i was singing that song, i really appreciated God alot...
Like, He is the only one who doesn't change, who is everlasting, who provides promises and never fails.
Don't you think it is amazing cause He can go against all the nature of change?

I was reminded of economics..and there was one chapter about exchange rate..
If one country's currency keep fluctuating throughout the year, up and down, it will create the problem of uncertainty and it inturn affects the amount of investments that are going to come in..be it long term or short term.
This is because the investors will be very scared and cannot trust that the country can make funds because of its instability..

Same for relationships..
If your friend keep on changing in character like throughout the year or in a few years, do you think your friendship can still withstand and be maintained?

Thats why i hold trust and faith in something that is never changing and can last forever, because it is firm and stable..
And that is Jesus Christ.
Besides, He loves us so so much, more than Himself as a God that He is willing to suffer and die just for you and I. Because God thinks that we deserve it.
Bet you all heard this like many many thousand times already..But i still wanna emphasize on the fact that He died for you, shouldn't you love Him back the same way?

I mean, if someone, anyone, is willing to die just for you, won't you get touched?
This is sacrificial love.
And what i found out was, Jesus is the only God that is willing to do so just to save us..

There was another thought that i had while i was listening to the sermon for the second time..
Joel was preaching and he talked about facebook...he said something like "if you are transformed from the inside, it will show it on the outside..", "out of the outflow of your heart, your mouth speaks." and "when is the last time you ever talked about God or even mentioned his name? what was your last update on facebook?"

I was reminded of something and i really want to ask you all this..
Do you pass by something, anything whether it is a shop, an item..etc, with the word "Jesus christ / God" on it and not feel anything?
Do you feel anything at all?
What i mean is, do you feel a sense of excitment and it really attracts you to go and look at it closer, even more..
Or will you just not feel anything but just walk past without bothering to look at it...

This shows how much you really love God and how much He really means to you and where you placed Him in your life..
Are you taking God for granted...thinking that He is just there for me to call when i need help and He will help..
Reflect upon this.

It is never too late to pray for a transformation to happen in your life today!
God will be more than happy to change you from the inside out.
Just remember two simple things you must do..
START PRAYING + BELIEVE..
If you don't start you never will..
If you don't believe then there is no point of praying.

GOD LOVES YOU ESPECIALLY!!

For who He is!

Here is the retreat theme song=) "for who you are"
Standing here in Your presence
Thinking of the good things You have done
Waiting here patiently
Just to hear Your still small voice again

Holy
righteous
faithful to the end
Saviour
healer
redeemer and friend

CHORUS I will worship You for who You are
I will worship You for who You are
I will worship You for who You are Jesus

BRIDGE My soul secure,
Your promise sure
Your love endures
always

My soul secure,
Your promise sure
Your love endures
always

Before retreat and during retreat my church sang this song many many times during worship..
I have been thinking about what it really means to say that "i will worship You for who you are."
whenever i sing the song..

In my point of view, i feel that to worship God for who He is is not easy...
Why?
Cause usually i will fall into the trap of worshipping God for what He can do, or what He does and not who He is.
Like many times, we only praise God and like rejoice in His name whenever we encounter something amazing that happens...or when God touches our lives, or when we pray for something and it came true!
When something just don't go the way we want them to and think it is right, we may blame God or just stop worshipping and claiming victory in His name...
i realised all these through several experiences that i have with God..
I don't blame Him, but i also don't thank Him..

Worhipping God for who He is means to put aside everything that He can do, the blessings that He can give to us..
It means to just rejoice in every situation we are in because our God is in control and He is so much bigger and more powerful..
It means to know Him better through the Bible so that we know exactly who He is..

Have you ever get treasured for who you are and not what you can do?
everyone can admire someone who is all talented in every area, the most popular, the cleverest..etc. (all these 'love' can be easily seen from the world) -everyone try to prove one another as to who is better and stuff..
However, would you rather someone loving you for who you are on the inside and not what you can do?
The measurement here is on the inside of ppl not on the outside.
And God is looking for that kind of love from us..
And this differentiates us from the other people of another religions (they worship their gods to ask for the things they want and need)

We must recognise that God deserves this kind of true love from us.
Because He is God.

Are you willing to worship Him for who He is today?

God loves you for who you are